Celebrating 60 with 5 Core Lessons for Peace and Purpose

In this special birthday episode, I share five core life lessons that have brought me peace and purpose over the years. From embracing the power of perspective and finding the silver lining in every situation to letting go of ego and avoiding negative thought spirals, these insights serve as a guide for intentional living. I’ll share some personal stories and reflections, and really encourage you to embrace growth, resilience, and joy.

Transcript

Thank you for taking the time to listen today...if you’re a frequent flyer, thank you for tuning in and you’ll know this episode is a little early this week and that’s because I’m celebrating my birthday today and if you’re new to the podcast, you picked a special day to tune in. Not just because it’s my birthday but while I hope to have a much longer life, I felt this would be a good reason to share 5 core lessons I’ve learned so far that really contribute to my peace and purpose and I think they will for you as well. My focus is to intentionally live so I can be as active, healthy and with purpose for another 50 years so I still have a lot of time left to learn and to me, that’s the way to stay young is to keep learning. Not just about myself and focusing on mindfulness but learning in knowledge with reading, listening to podcasts, speaking with others that have a different opinion than mine and also learning physically...I just tried curling last week and when I used to watch this and wonder how the heck is this a sport...let me tell you it’s a workout and I have so much more appreciation for those athletes. And I still have pickleball on the list to learn so that will happen next. 

So even if you know some of these lessons, it’s always good to have a reminder to reinforce and remain consistent so here we go. 

#1 Always look for the silver lining in every situation. I’m not saying that life will always be rainbows and butterflies but I do believe there is something good in every person and every situation. You will always find what you are looking for or what you are directing your energy to so if you are looking for the good you will find it. And if you are assuming the worst and looking for things to go badly, you will find that too. It’s like the red car experiment...you may not even realize you saw any red cars today but as soon as I tell you start looking for them, you will begin to see them more and more. They were always there but your brain was not actively looking for them. Once you become active and intentional, you see them. So it’s the same for goodness in the world, or signs that you are on the right track and doing what you should be. If you are actively looking, you will see them. I’m regularly looking for signs for my podcast and that I’m supposed to be moving more towards mindfulness and helping people and I regularly see peace symbols, license plates with peace, I hear the words little by little or piece by piece regularly in shows, conversations. And sometimes when I decide what podcast subject to do that week, I will hear someone speak about that same subject around the same time or an article will pop online for the same subject, and I say out loud, thank you universe for confirming, for validating me. It reminds me that what is supposed to happen for me will happen, that I’m exactly where I need to be, we all are. Part of that silver lining is reinforcing that everything that is meant for you will come your way and that you are meant to be exactly where you are right now, every moment and every day so enjoy each day. It may not feel like that especially if life feels overwhelming or not in balance but those silver linings are there buried deep maybe but there . So that’s lesson #1...look for the silver lining, look for the good and your life will gradually fill with more goodness and love because that’s what you are looking for and your mind will make sure you don’t miss the signs around you.

#2Let go of your ego...once you stop thinking that the world is out to get you or that everything good or bad is about you, you stop taking things personally. You realize that things just happen and recognize everyone has crap they are dealing with and their crap that makes them react to you negatively has nothing to do with you...the way they reacted to you, the way they treated you...it’s all on them and whatever happened to be in their way that day. Now maybe you pissed them off and you have to own that but if you were just going about your day and someone reacts negatively to you or overreacts, think about the times that you did the same to someone else. Remember when you were feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, forgotten, unloved...whatever it was where you may have lashed out unfairly to someone and give that person space to feel what they are feeling without you taking it on. When you’re able to not take things personally, you not only find more peace by not getting as angry, but you find that forgiveness comes easier for you and that too helps keep you calm and in balance. Remember it’s not about being right sometimes...it’s about being at peace.

#3 Reflect rather than ruminate...instead of swirling negative thought after negative thought or likely the same thought and story over and over again in your mind, slow it down, stop the swirling so you can look at what it is. As they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Humans have over 60K thoughts a day and most of them are repetitive and negative... Ruminating the same thought and thinking you will find peace when you didn’t the first 45K times will never be helpful. Now I’ve been intentionally working on myself for the last 5 years and I’ll admit, I still will have repetitive negative thoughts but I have them less and I recognize them more so that I can actively challenge them, reflect on them and instead of just letting them swirl, I can ask why. Why am I having these thoughts, why can’t I let it go, what one thing can I do that is in my control that will help slow the swirl or quiet the thought. What can I learn from this? That question in itself goes hand in hand with lesson 1 and 2 so rather than asking why me, instead what can I learn from this helps to find that silver lining, helps to let go of the ego and instead focus on the healing and that’s what we all need no matter where we are in life is healing. From our past, from what happened today, to prepare for tomorrow.

#4 Find your community...this could be family, friends, support groups. Find those people that uplift you, that motivates to keep growing, that you can learn from, that are worthy of your energy and your time. I am lucky enough to have friends from elementary, middle and high school that are part of my inner circle. You want to keep those people who are there not to judge but to listen, share, care for you and when necessary, call you on your BS. And while it’s great to have people who have seen you thru all your phases and still love and support you, that’s not always the case especially if you’ve moved around. Maybe you can find your community in local groups or meeting places where you share something in common. For the past few years, I made new community in a local cigar bar named Castros..where it’s mostly guys there but they are more like brothers...everyone there looks out for each other there and I never have felt unsafe going by myself. While I happened by and just went here and there for a drink, the guys taught me how to play darts and when I was going thru my divorce and could not stand to be in my house alone, I went to Castros and played darts. Those nights going to play darts even by myself as I was trying to get better, talking to the amazing women behind the bar, just having them listen while I was trying to get myself together, it was my group therapy. I’m in a much better head space now and while I could go somewhere that has more dartboards and less smoke, they don’t have what this place has. Even though every time I get home I have to de-stink myself and my clothes from the cigar smoke, I keep going because they are just a great group of good humans and I want to keep those connections. And that’s the thing about your community or keeping in touch with friends or family (whether born into or chosen family)...you have to make an effort. We all get busy with our lives but there are so many ways now that we can keep in touch. Our phones and social media can be used too much and become unhealthy but use technology rather than it using you. When you think of someone, make sure to send a message or reach out. Hey just thought of you and hope you’re doing good. Hey a picture came up on my feed and I remember when we shared that amazing time together. Don’t worry about how much time as passed...reconnect if they are worth it. Once you find those people that feed you positively, keep them in your life. And the ones that feed off you...move away from anyone that sucks the life out of you and doesn’t boost your energy. Keep connections to those you can sit in silence with and that silence still feels comfortable, those you can do simple things like going for a walk, playing cards, maybe playing darts. Purposely find and fill your life with more simple joy and laughter...it’s not just medicine for your soul, I believe it’s the life force that will hopefully help me get to those next 50 years regardless of what comes my way.

And the 5th and final lesson is to keep making yourself a priority, and focus on your own self care. That doesn’t mean you don’t take care of others or you’re selfish...in fact taking care of yourself is one of the best things you can do for your family and loved ones as it ensures that you are full and open to give others the best of you. You deserve to give yourself as much care as you give others and they deserve to get the best of you. It’s not about finding time for yourself...You don’t need to find time, as the time is always there. We always have 24 hours in the day, 60 minutes in an hour...it’s what you choose to do with that time. Choose yourself each and every day even if it’s just 15 minutes of that time. The more you make yourself a priority, the easier it gets to be more consistent, and the stronger connection you make to yourself. Your inner peace will grow to the point that no matter what comes your way, you will have the inner strength, calm and peace to deal with it. You become the sky...the clouds can come and go, it can be sunny out or it can be thunderstorms but the sky is just the sky and it stays steady and just let’s everything flow by.

So that’s what I’ve got for you after 60 years on this planet. I’ve been thru crap as we all have, I’ve hurt and been hurt, I’ve loved, been loved and moved thru love, but I’ve laughed more than I’ve cried, I’ve healed many of the parts I didn’t even know were there and I love me so much more now that I really know me and I’m so ready to keep working on myself and finding the joy and gratitude in all that life throws at me for the next 50 years and sharing it with you on this podcast. Whatever you may be going thru, I’m here to tell you it does get better. You will move thru whatever you need to, find the wisdom and the learning so that as each year goes by, you let go of any anger and bitterness and you embrace the beautiful strong you that you are meant for, that you deserve to be. I hope my experiences help you in some small way and that you share this with someone you know that maybe doesn’t see life this way and wants to, maybe that wants to help themselves in a more intentional way. It only takes one person to change the world and you have the power to change your own world. We can and must all help each other, love each other, be kind to each other, and move each other forward in our lives, little by little and peace by peace.