Finding the Courage to Reconnect

Ever think about someone you used to be close with… and wonder what happened?

This episode is your gentle nudge to reach out. 💛
 We’re talking about the quiet drift that happens in friendships and family — and how one small, brave message can open the door again.

💬 Why reconnection feels hard
 🧠 How ego masks our fear
 💞 And why good humans are always worth the effort

If someone’s been on your mind lately, this one’s for you.
 Share it with someone you miss — and take that first little step.

Transcript

Hey friends, welcome back — or maybe welcome for the very first time. However you got here today, I just want you to know: I’m really glad you pressed play. Whether you’re tuning in during your drive, on a walk, while folding laundry, or just sitting in a quiet moment — you’re choosing to spend time on something that nurtures you. That says something powerful about you. You’re showing up, and that matters. And if someone shared this with you, based on our theme today, it seems they may want to reach out and reconnect or maybe they think you should reach out to someone that you’ve been thinking of lately.

Because today, we’re going to talk about connection and more specifically actually the lack of connection. The people we’ve lost touch with. The family we’ve grown distant from. Our bestest best friends or people we used to call our soulmates, but now we barely know what city they live in. Now maybe something happened between you that caused a lot of anger, hurt or betrayal. Or maybe you just naturally created space without realizing how big the space has gotten. And in some cases for many of these people? There was no act of hurt. There wasn’t a huge fight or betrayal. Sometimes, we just drifted. Life changed. We changed. They changed. But… we still think of them. And sometimes, we miss them.

So today we’re asking:
 Why is it so hard to reach back out?
 Why does our ego get in the way of reconnection?
 And if someone is a good human — shouldn’t that be enough reason to try to get them back in our lives because let’s face it, there’s not enough good humans in our lives as it is. There’s never enough so let’s look at what we can do about that.

First of all, drifting apart can be very normal but it never has to be final. Let’s start with something I think we all can agree on which is life can get messy. Our routines shift. We get new jobs, we move to new places creating physical distance, we start families when others haven’t, or we begin focusing on our own healing and growth, all of which create a new set of priorities that need focus if we want them to be successful in our lives. Some friends we used to see every weekend now feel like distant memories because one weekend goes by, and then another and then it’s been months and then it becomes years. Some family members we used to text daily become names that just feel heavy in our phones because so much time has passed that it feels wrong to just reach out. And the truth is: drifting is normal. It’s not always because of conflict. Sometimes, it’s just the rhythm of life.

But where it gets complicated is when the drifting lasts too long, we start creating those negative thoughts and stories around it.

“They probably don’t want to hear from me.”
 “It’s been so long, it would be weird now.”
 “If they cared, they would’ve reached out first.”
 “What if they’ve changed?”
 “What if I have?”

We build these invisible walls made of assumptions and ego that stop us from making the first move.
 And sometimes, we get so used to the silence that we convince ourselves it’s permanent. But it doesn’t have to be. So let’s talk about that little monster that often holds us back, our ego. Our ego wants to protect us from discomfort, rejection, or embarrassment. It tells us:

“Don’t reach out — you’ll look needy.”
 “They haven’t messaged you either. So why should you?”
 “It’s not your job to fix it.”

But ego isn’t always working in our favor. Sometimes, ego is just fear dressed up like protection but it backfires and really can hold you back and cause deeper feelings of being abandoned and alone. And when it comes to relationships, especially those deep, heart-centered ones, ego can rob us of the opportunity to reconnect with good people just because we're afraid of looking vulnerable. We’re afraid of making that first move. But the thing to remember and really know, is that reaching out isn’t weak, it’s not admitting any type of defeat. It’s actually very brave and caring and the exact opposite of being weak. It takes strength to reach out.

It’s brave to say, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. I miss our connection.”
 It’s brave to say, “I know it’s been a while, but I’d love to catch up.”
 It’s brave to say, “I don’t know what happened, but I’m open to rebuilding if you are.”

And honestly, we spend so much time guarding our pride, we forget what we’re actually losing, the chance to share time and space with people who once mattered to you. And especially if that person is one of those rare good humans.

Here’s something else to keep in mind is that sometimes it’s not about ending a friendship or family tie. It’s about adjusting how we show up. Let’s say you have a friend who used to go out with you every Friday night. But now? They’re in a quieter season. Maybe they’re dealing with anxiety, or raising a family, or simply evolving.

Instead of saying, “We just don’t have anything in common anymore”...
What if you said, “Let’s change how we spend time together?”

We don’t need people to fit into their old roles in order to keep them in our lives. We just need to be willing to re-imagine the relationship. You can be friends from the couch. You can connect during a walk earlier in the day instead of late night at a bar if that’s no longer your or their scene. You can bond over sharing podcasts and discussing what you learned instead of making plans every week, you know, like this one.

If your friend doesn’t want to go out — bring the party to them. Order takeout and show up with a movie. Start a shared playlist. Do a puzzle together. Drop off a favorite coffee with a sticky note that says “thinking of you.” It’s ok if you have to take turns being “the one” that takes hold of the relationship at times, the one that makes the plans, the one that reaches out, the one that gives a bit more if that’s what’s needed. I recently felt that with the need to reach out and make extra space for a lifelong friend. For those that have been following me, you know I turned 60 this year and all of my high school friends are at some point turning 60 or have and I’m so lucky to have most of these friends still close by or at least within a few hours drive of me. But I have one friend who’s much further away, she was my first best friend actually from 3rd grade. She’s turning 60 this weekend and she really didn’t have anything planned. I knew her life was stressful and crazy and I thought we can’t just let this pass, it could create a memory that I don’t she will want to keep. So I reached out and she noted that she just was so overwhelmed she couldn’t make any more decisions or plans. So I said just get on a plane...I’ll plan it. It was nothing big or expensive...a game night with the rest of our friends, a day drive to the beach, another day to Boston, free line dancing nearby. All I had to do was put the offer out there and free up my weekend. 

Relationships evolve, people evolve, priorities evolve. And don’t you think that the good relationships and the good people are worth adjusting for? And you don’t need a big reason to reach out..remember this is little changes and it can be for little reasons that you reach out. You don’t need a 60th birthday. You don’t need an apology ready. You don’t need the perfect message.

Sometimes, a simple text that says: “You’ve been on my mind. I hope you’re doing okay.” Or “Saw something today that reminded me of you.” That’s enough. That opens a door. And maybe the other person walks through it. Or maybe they don’t, maybe they’re not ready yet. But what matters is that you tried. You cleared your side of the street. You gave ego a seat in the back and let your heart lead you with love and kindness.

 Maybe you’re telling yourself that it’s just too weird to reach out now. Or maybe you think the person doesn’t even care or they’re angry because of how the relationship has changed. But the question to ask is if this person is worth being vulnerable for. Could you just share an innocent IG post...maybe one that made you laugh, maybe one that made you think of them and say that...”hey saw this post and it made me think of you. I’d love to reconnect if you’re open to it. Or maybe you can get one of those buy one get one groupons and use that as an excuse...hey I have a buy one get one and I remember how much we loved to go get pedis, maybe we can find time? Or if you know you left things badly, maybe you were caught up in something at that time in your life, why not just be open and honest. Hey, I know I hurt you with what I said, what I did. I was in a really bad place in my life and I know that’s not an excuse but I’ve done some self reflecting and have grown since then. I’d love to just talk and find out what I need to do to help rebuild on where we are now as I so miss what we had. I know it might not be the same but maybe we can work on something new that works for both of us.” And maybe that small act of vulnerability will help bring you together, even if it’s a different rhythm than before.

We live in a world that’s fast-paced, always on the go, always in comparison, and often overwhelming. If you’ve had someone in your life who’s shown up for you — even just once in a meaningful way — that’s something worth honoring. Not all relationships are meant to last forever and they certainly aren’t meant to stay how they were born, nothing is. Everything and everyone is meant to grow and evolve and that includes all of your relationships. I mean think about a relationship you’re in now whether it’s a partner, a love relationship, a work one...whatever. Hasn’t it changed as you’ve learned about each other, haven’t you or maybe both of you adjusted back and forth? Maybe that’s what’s waiting in that drifted relationship, maybe it’s just waiting to be reawakened in a new way. So instead of missing the version of the relationship you used to have —What if you asked:

“How can I love this person where they are now?”
 “How can I be curious about who they’ve become?”

That curiosity might just lead to a deeper, more grounded friendship than you ever imagined. If you’re waiting for the perfect moment to reconnect — stop, because there is no perfect time, there is not perfect reason. There doesn’t need to be a script, no big drumroll. Just you, and the willingness to say:

“I care.”
 “I remember.”
 “I’m still here if you are.”

That’s all you need. Let’s be ok with knowing that love evolves. That it’s ok to be open to adjusting to how we connect instead of cutting ties because of ego, pride, or assumptions. If someone was a good human to you, at any point in your life, that means something and if they are still a good human, well then lucky for you to have had them in your life and how important it could be to realize that sometimes, a small step is all it takes to get that good human back in your life and in your corner. And maybe you can be that good human that comes back into their lives?

If this episode stirred something in your heart, here’s what I want you to do today.

• Text one person that has been on your mind lately. It doesn’t have to be deep. Just something like: “Hey, you popped into my mind today. Hope you’re doing well.” That’s it. That’s the whole message. And then? Well, wait and see what happens.
• And the 2nd thing you can do today is to reflect on one relationship that might be worth adjusting, not ending, but adjusting to. What’s one small way you can show up differently for someone you care about?

If this episode resonated, why not share it with at least one person.Text it to a friend. Post it to your stories. Talk about it. Let’s normalize these conversations about friendship, family, reconnection, and love that lasts in different forms.

And if you haven’t already — follow the podcast, leave a review or a comment, ask me any question you may have. Every listen and every share helps more good-hearted people like you find their way here. So until next time, remember: reconnection starts with one small step. You are meant to change and grow and others are too. And good humans? They’re always worth the effort, they’re always worth that one extra step, so let’s keep adjusting those relationships and growing our good human network, little by little, and peace by peace.