A Good Cry: Let It Flow, Let It Heal

Ever feel like you're holding back a flood? This episode is your permission to let it out. We're talking about crying, from silent tears in the kitchen to full-on snotty sobs that reset your soul, crying helps our bodies and minds release what we can’t carry anymore and the positive effects are backed by science. 

This one’s for anyone who’s ever said “I’m fine” when they weren’t. For the ones holding back tears because they were told to toughen up. Stop being tough, start being human...and start healing.

🎧 Give a listen and reflect
 💬 Comment on how you felt after your last good cry
 📲 Send this to someone who’s overdue for a release

Transcript

Hey friends, welcome back or maybe this is your very first episode, either way, I’m really glad you’re here. You found your way into this space, and that says something. It says that you're looking for growth, looking for peace, or maybe just looking for a moment of realness in the middle of a busy life. Or maybe you need a good cry and that’s what we’re talking about today. 

We're talking about crying. Yes — crying. Tears. That lump in your throat. That flood that comes when you just can’t hold it in anymore. And I want to say something right at the top: Crying is not weakness. Crying can feel like such a release. Crying can be so very healing. Crying is human.

Whether it’s over a breakup, burnout, loss, frustration, or even those random late-night cries that come out of nowhere — crying is more than okay. It’s necessary. So today, we’re going to talk about why crying is good for us, how it helps regulate emotions, the science behind it, and why it’s especially important to normalize this for everyone — all genders, all ages, all backgrounds.

First, let’s start with the basics: what actually happens when we cry?

There are three main types of tears:

1. Basal tears — the ones that keep your eyes lubricated all day.
2. Reflex tears — the ones that come from onions or dust.
3. Emotional tears — and that’s where we’re really going to focus on today. Interestingly, while other animals can produce basal and reflex tears, they don’t produce emotional tears. They may feel emotions but they don’t use tears like we do. A little random trivia for you to use if it helps. 

But back to us...when we cry emotional tears, our bodies are actually releasing stress hormones — like cortisol — through our tears. Scientists have found that emotional tears contain different chemicals than other types of tears. They literally carry stress out of our bodies. I know many people who cry when they are angry, myself included. It’s annoying as heck especially as a woman because it feels like we’re showing ourselves as timid little women but I swear, if I’m angry enough, that anger just spurts out my eyeballs. And whether it’s anger or sadness, it’s as if our bodies were designed to process emotion through this physical release. It’s not just a psychological thing — it’s biological. Crying actually helps your body reset.

It can calm your nervous system, lower your blood pressure, reduce levels of anger or frustration (see, my anger really does spurt out my eyes!) and trigger the release of endorphins — our body’s natural painkillers. So next time you cry? Know that your body is not working against you but it’s in fact working for you and helping you regulate yourself both physically and emotionally. I say my anger tears are ensuring I stay sane and out of jail...just kidding...well a little. 

You know that feeling after a good cry — not during, because during it can feel messy and overwhelming — but afterward. That moment where your shoulders drop, your breath slows down, your brain stops spinning quite as fast? That’s the emotional reset. That’s your nervous system returning to center. Think of crying like an emotional exhale. We carry so much tension, so many held-back emotions. We say, “I’m fine,” when we’re not. We smile, nod, carry on, check the boxes — and meanwhile, our emotional inbox is overflowing. 

And that’s why sometimes we just feel the need for a good cry. It’s not out of sadness or anger...it’s just that we’ve dealt with so many things and moved thru so many other emotions and for what seems to be no reason at all, we just feel the need to release. Even though we don’t consciously know why, eventually, the body says: “We’ve got to process this. We can’t hold this all in.” And the tears come. And it could be one small trigger, one small item and you wonder “why the heck am I crying over that?” but when you need a good cry because you just haven’t had one in a while, it’s not usually that thing that is the cause. This podcast theme today came up because of a conversation I recently had with someone where they told me where she was making a dish for a party and her husband came into the kitchen and asked why she was making it so early already...and she said she just burst into tears with that weird breathing talk, you know when you do that hyperventilating thing. She surprised herself at the response...and of course it wasn’t what he said or how he said it, it wasn’t that she was stressed making this dish, it was all the things that she’d been holding in all week from stress at work, from some physical issues, from little spats here and there and they all boiled over at that one moment. And as she was telling me this, she said how much better she felt and we all started chatting about how if you haven’t cried in a while sometimes a good cry for no reason just feels good and thus, this episode was born. So even though it can feel raw or uncomfortable and completely out of the blue — it’s what you needed and it’s giving you relief physically and mentally.

Now let’s talk about something especially important — because this is where stigma starts to creep in. Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that crying was something to be ashamed of, that it was a sign of weakness and you should only do it in extreme situations like a death. Especially if you’re a man. Especially if you want to be seen as strong, capable, and tough.

We hear things like:

“Man up.”
 “Boys don’t cry.”
 “Stop being so emotional.”
 “Get it together.”

But I want to say this loud and clear: Tears do not make you weak. Tears make you human. Whether you identify as male, female, nonbinary, or anything in between — crying is part of the human experience. Suppressing emotions isn’t strength — it’s stress storage and that is never healthy. Unprocessed emotions don’t just disappear. They get buried. They turn into anxiety, insomnia, chronic tension, burnout, and many times end up in various illnesses from headaches to stomach issues to auto-immune diseases.

We’ve got to stop shaming people — especially men — for crying. Because the truth is, some of the strongest people you know have cried. In silence. In private. Behind closed doors. We need more spaces where people — of all genders — can express grief, frustration, overwhelm, sadness, and even joy… without shame.

And let’s remember and remind ourselves that not all crying is from sadness, depression or any other perceived negative emotion and I say perceived because feelings are all necessary even if they don’t feel great. Everything needs to be processed in some way to be able to move forward. But again, crying can be tied to happiness of course. Ever cried during a beautiful moment? A movie? A wedding? A song? That’s because crying is also connected to a sense of being emotionally moved no matter which direction we are moved.

Tears are a sign that something inside us is shifting — that we’re connecting deeply to an experience, a memory, a moment of beauty or empathy. In those moments, we’re not falling apart — we’re falling into presence. Tears connect us to the truth of what matters. And isn’t that beautiful?

So if you have a hard time crying or feel that you shouldn’t allow yourself this release, think about this.
 What’s the story you were told about crying? Did you grow up in a household where crying wasn’t allowed? Where maybe it made people uncomfortable? Where you were told to “suck it up” or “be tough”? Or maybe you were someone who cried easily — and maybe you were made to feel that something was wrong with you, that you were overly sensitive.

So many of us carry those stories, they are our internal history and experiences and they shape how we show up. We push emotions down. We say, “I don’t have time to cry.” Or “I’ll fall apart if I start.” Or “Crying doesn’t change anything.” And no crying won’t change what is happening or what may be going on, or how you are feeling in the moment but it can change how you process what’s going on. It can give you some relief to feel you can handle and heal from what’s going on. You don’t fall apart from crying but you can most certainly fall apart and crumble internally from NOT crying. From holding onto feelings that need to be released, that can create poison in your mind and body.

So, if you’re holding something right now…A grief you haven’t named. A disappointment you’ve swallowed. A frustration that’s simmering.A fear you haven’t said out loud.

Let it come up. Let it rise. Let the tears fall if they need to. And let it keep coming even if it turns into one of those sobbing, snotty messes. It doesn’t make you dramatic. It doesn’t make you weak. But it could make you feel lighter, clearer. Maybe you will feel the release and let go of whatever it is you need to let go of. 

Now if crying doesn’t come easily to you, here are a few ways to create space for it — safely, intentionally, and gently:

1. Watch or listen to something that moves you. A song that brings out a memory, a story that opens your heart. There’s some really good movies out there where the imagery, the story and the emotional movement of it can get you started and then you can let the rest of your feelings fall in line.
2. Write a letter you never send. Say the things you haven’t been able to say to someone you’ve wanted to, been meaning to or even a letter to yourself to forgive yourself or to be able to move past some feelings you need to move thru. Often, tears come through that type of writing.
3. Talk it out. Sometimes, naming the feelings out loud or just sharing what you’re going thru, to a friend, a coach, a therapist, that can help you feel a bit of release and allow you to feel safe enough to let the floodgates go.
4. And create safe space. If you need to be alone, set that time aside. Put on soft lighting. Wrap yourself in a blanket. Let the tears come without judgment.

But don’t stop those tears. When they show up, just let them flow. Say to yourself, “This is okay. This is me healing, this is me releasing something that I don’t need to hold onto any more” Let’s reinforce and normalize that you deserve to feel whatever you are feeling. You deserve to express what’s real and your feelings are always real. And if you feel the need to cry, its ok to do that and you don’t need to explain or apologize. If crying is the language your body uses to release, then let it speak.

And if you’ve been holding back tears, maybe now is the time to let them fall. With love. With permission. With grace and kindness towards yourself. You’re not alone in this. We are all navigating life’s highs and lows. And sometimes? A good cry is the bridge between holding it all together and finally letting it go.

You’re not supposed to be without these emotions, you’re not made of stone. You’re made of heart, of soul, of energy and emotion and light. And sometimes, that heart needs to overflow to clean out and make space for whatever else you need to let in. 

If today’s episode stirred something in your heart, I want to invite you to reflect on your last good cry...what brought it on, what did it release. And if you haven’t had one in a while, maybe reflect on if you need one? Even if you don’t want anyone else to know, that’s ok...don’t feel ashamed but cry in the shower if you need to. And we all know someone who’s been holding too much in so maybe send this to at least one other person who needs to get some relief, to feel a release and maybe sharing this will be what they need to hear that it’s ok.

And if you’re willing to share, comment how you felt after your last good cry...you don’t need to share what it was but sharing how you felt can help others feel ok to let themselves release. Remember sometimes we go thru stuff so we can help shine the light for others, to show the way thru. 

And if you’re not ready to do anything other than to listen today, that’s ok too. Remember, this is your journey. And just listening is a step forward to your becoming, to your growth. Until next time give yourself permission and grace to feel. Permission to release. Give yourself the gift of those wonderful releasing tears so that you can heal and find more peace, little by little, and peace by peace.