3 Ways to Deal with Conflicting Emotions

Feeling two things at once? That doesn’t mean you’re broken, or weird, it means you’re human.

In today’s episode, we’re talking about emotional duality—those moments where joy and sadness, love and anger, peace and frustration all show up together.

🎯In this episode, we explore:

• Why it’s normal to feel conflicted
• How to validate all your emotions, even the messy ones
• And ways to process dual feelings without shame

Let’s normalize living in the gray and feeling all the feels. Because that’s where healing begins. 

Transcript

Hey friends, welcome back, or maybe, welcome for the first time. However you got here today, I’m so glad you pressed play. This little space is all about growth, reflection, and real talk about how we’re feeling, what we’re working thru and small changes that can move us forward.. And today, we’re talking about emotional duality. Now when I mentioned this was going to be a theme for a podcast, my niece said what the hell does duality mean? So as I explained to her, emotional duality is that messy, beautiful space where you can feel two things at once—joy and grief, love and anger, peace and frustration and after I explained it to her, she said well can you at least use a different word and as you can tell, no, I decided to stick with my first thought. Those of you that have listened in the past know that these topics usually come from things that happen in my life, things I hear or talk about with others and it seems like sometimes the universe just presents me with the topics. So this came about as I was speaking with someone who has a long distance relationship and she was supposed to go for a visit but the visit fell thru and I asked how she was doing and she said well, I’m sad that we didn’t have the visit, but I’m still happy because the relationship is still good so it’s ok. And then how someone else I was talking to mentioned about how they have someone in their life that they love but yet this person makes them so angry, or they don’t feel like they can spend a lot of time with them to keep their own peace of mind. So as with many episodes, when I have multiple examples in a short space of time come to me, I figure the universe is leading me so that’s why this episode is about emotional duality.

So this is all about two things that can be true at the same time, but living in that truth? That’s where the real work and the real peace begins. So let’s talk about it. And if someone sent this to you, be thankful that someone knows and understands that you may be conflicted right now or maybe they have no idea but they are caring enough to want to try to help and that’s wonderful that you have those people around you that send you this little bit of help. 

We’re often taught, directly or indirectly, that emotions are supposed to be clear-cut. That you should know exactly how you feel, and it should be one thing. Happy. Sad. Angry. In love. At peace. But in all honesty and the reality of it, life just doesn’t work like that. You can love someone deeply and still recognize that they aren’t good for you. You can feel grateful for your home and still feel overwhelmed by the chaos inside it. You can be proud of your career while quietly wishing for more quiet time with your family. You can miss someone and still know you can’t let them back into your life. These aren’t contradictions. They’re truths. And being able to hold space for them both interactively? That’s where your growth and emotional maturity come into play.

As you may remember that I’ve shared before, our brains like certainty. We like labels, categories, answers, our brains like pattern. Emotional gray areas make us uncomfortable because they feel uncertain. But life isn’t lived in black and white, it’s rarely one thing or the other. Life is typically lived in the in-between. Let me give you a real-world example: imagine you’ve recently ended a relationship. Maybe it wasn’t working. Maybe it was even toxic. You know deep down it was the right decision. But you still miss them. You still love them. And that confuses you.

You think, If I miss them, did I make the wrong choice? You begin to question your first decision, you begin to question your gut and what you once thought was right. But the truth is you’re feeling two valid emotions. You can grieve someone’s absence and also celebrate your own healing. You can cry while knowing you’re still moving forward. We are multi-layered beings and allowed to feel all the feelings you have, they are all valid even if they feel confusing. 

Have you ever been at a celebration, a graduation, a wedding, a reunion...and felt a little bit of sadness right in the middle of the joy? Maybe it was because someone important wasn’t there. Or because you knew this moment, as beautiful as it was, marked the end of something else, or maybe a beginning you’re unsure of. I’ll share that a few months after my divorce a family member got married and I knew it was probably going to be difficult but I had no idea all the different feelings I would have. I made it thru the actual marriage ceremony and it was beautiful but as I was sitting at the table waiting for dinner, I could feel it building and a friend quietly handed me a tissue and that’s when I lost it. I went outside, had a good cry and if you haven’t listened to that episode I just did recently about how healing a good cry can be, give a listen because after I cried, I pulled myself together and went back inside. Then thru the rest of the wedding with all the music and the dancing, I loved being with everyone but at the same time I felt like I’d never been around so many people yet felt so alone but I made it thru and it helped me reflect a little bit more of where I was at and what I needed to do for myself. So that’s just an example of how joy and sadness can become entwined and how reflecting on both sides of that can help you grow.

This is especially common in moments of transition. The end of a job. The beginning of a new chapter. Even something as simple as watching your child grow up, you’re proud and excited and yet, there’s a bittersweet ache, too. This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you’re present. You’re human. You’re emotionally awake. One of the hardest dualities we face is this: being angry with someone you love. Or loving someone you can’t have in your life. This one’s especially hard because we’re taught that love should equal closeness. That if we love someone, we should stick it out—no matter what. But sometimes, loving someone means letting them go. It means setting boundaries, even if it hurts. It means recognizing that love is not the only factor in a healthy relationship—there’s trust, respect, safety, and alignment.

You can be furious at someone’s behavior and still wish the best for them. You can feel betrayed and still mourn the loss of what you once shared. You can walk away, not because the love disappeared, but because you decided to love yourself more. That emotional complexity doesn’t make you weak. It makes you courageous.

Sometimes emotional duality shows up in less dramatic, but still deeply impactful, ways. Like feeling totally overwhelmed at home while being fulfilled at work. Or the other way around. You might look at your messy kitchen and feel frustrated, and then step into your office and feel completely aligned. Or maybe your work drains you, but your evenings with your family fill your cup. This duality can leave you feeling guilty. If I have it good in one area, I shouldn’t complain about the other, I should be happy for what I have and remember that many don’t have this. But you’re allowed to honor both truths. You’re allowed to feel deeply grateful for parts of your life while still wanting to change other parts.

You’re not ungrateful. You’re human. And being honest about how you feel is the first step toward shifting what needs shifting. So, what happens when we deny these dual emotions? When we try to force ourselves into one feeling instead of allowing the full spectrum? We burn out. We lash out. We numb out. We confuse ourselves trying to make our feelings neat and tidy, when they were never meant to be. And in doing that, we miss the opportunity to really feel, process, and move through what we’re experiencing. So let’s stop gaslighting ourselves. Let’s stop telling ourselves, “I shouldn’t feel this way.” And instead, ask, “What is this emotion here to tell me?”

When you allow yourself to feel two things at once, you actually create space for healing. For integration. For self-trust. So how do we hold these emotional contradictions without feeling like we’re falling apart, how do we hold these differing emotions and give each of them the space to be felt and processed?

Let’s talk about a few tools that can help:

The first is to name it without shame and without judgment. You can do that to start by labeling both emotions. Say it out loud. Write it down. “I’m happy for them, and I’m also jealous.” “I love them, and I know they’re not good for me.” “I’m excited, and I’m terrified.” Just naming it is powerful. 

The second is to practice self-compassion no different than the compassion you would have for someone else if they were sharing their conflicting emotions. You don’t need to fix your emotions. You need to feel them, to sit with them. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a close friend—without judgment, but with grace and kindness.

And the third is to create space and time to process in whatever way works for you as there is no right or wrong way. You can try journaling to write down and see your thoughts in a more clear way to help understand and process them, maybe a mindful walk to help self reflect, or maybe talking it out with someone and even a therapist if you feel like you need some professional insight. Sometimes that can be helpful without the bias of emotion from friends or family. But whatever you do, give yourself regular outlets to process complex emotions without the pressure to explain or solve them but just name them and allow them to be heard.

Remember, you’re not broken. Feeling conflicting emotions doesn’t mean you’re confused or weak. It means you’re connected to yourself and your truth. Life is nuanced, and your emotions are valid. So set boundaries where needed. Sometimes duality shows you where you need space. Maybe you love someone who keeps hurting you. Maybe your job gives you status but drains your joy. Let your emotions inform your choices. Let them guide, not control, you. Let yourself learn from them rather than be mastered by them.

We’re living in a time where social media often reduces emotions to sound bites, usually one extreme to another like everything is perfect or it’s total despair. But the truth to life, not just your life, but everyone’s life is much more layered. And the more we normalize emotional complexity, the more we can create space for others to do the same. This work isn’t just about self-growth, it’s also about empathy. When you understand your own emotional duality, you’re better able to hold space for others. You can love more fully. Listen more deeply and judge less harshly. That’s what emotional fluency is. Not just understanding feelings, but respecting their depth, and the depth of others.

So as we close out today’s episode, I want to leave you with this, You are not too much for feeling deeply. You are not weird or confused for holding joy in one hand and sadness in the other. You are not wishy washy for being in love while also being in pain. You’re just human. And you’re doing a really good job navigating a complicated world with a wide open heart and that is a beautiful thing.

So here’s your one take away for today, think about how you’re feeling and if there’s any feelings of duality or confusion. Take each one separately and validate each one...yes, it’s ok to feel that love for that person that hurt you because you remember the good times, you remember that they are also human and not perfect but it’s ok that you can still feel that love but know maybe they are not right for you right now. And then also validate and feel the hurt or betrayal and remember that you are worthy of more, that you deserve to be treated as kindly and lovingly as you treat others. And it’s also ok to still feel both sides of what you’re feeling. And why not send this episode to someone who also is trying to navigate complicated emotions and let the know they too are ok for feeling what they feel and maybe help them to move forward, that it’s ok to feel both extremes of the emotional grey space.

Thanks for choosing to spend time here with me. Until next time, keep showing up with honesty, keep making space for all your feelings, and remember you’re not alone while you’re living in those gray areas. Living in the gray and feeling all the feels is where the real work happens, where the magic can be felt so keep making that magic in your life that moves you forward, little by little and peace by peace.