Moving Forward in Life from the Messy Middle

We love the fresh start. We love the finish line. But the middle? The part where progress feels slow, habits get hard, and you’re tempted to quit—that’s where the real transformation happens.

The messy middle isn’t proof you’re failing. It’s proof you’re moving. It’s where resilience is built, patience is practiced, and who you’re becoming starts to take shape.

So if you’re stuck between who you were and who you’re becoming, take heart, you’re right where the magic happens. 💛

Transcript

Hey friends, welcome back or welcome for the first time. I’m so glad you pressed play today, because we’re going to talk about something that every single one of us has experienced, is experiencing right now, or will experience again in the future. And that’s what I like to call the messy middle. And if someone sent this to you, they maybe see you in that middle and they are encouraging you forward and isn’t that wonderful.

The messy middle is that uncomfortable, awkward, sometimes frustrating, sometimes inspiring stage of change when we’re not quite where we want to be, but we’re also no longer who we used to be. It’s that in-between space when you’ve made a decision to grow, to heal, to break free from old habits, or to build new ones—but you’re not yet on the other side. Or maybe the decision is all you’ve done...just decidedo but haven’t figured out how to make that next step and that’s ok. The big thing is that you’re here and you’ve made a decision, you’re thinking about it, or you’re just exploring and all of these are shades of movement forward.

If you’ve ever tried to stick to a new routine, heal a relationship, change your mindset, or simply take better care of yourself, you know this middle ground well. Maybe you’re just getting out of a relationship and trying to figure out how you’re feeling. Maybe you’re in between jobs and trying to figure out your next step. Whatever that change is that’s happening, sometimes it can feel and be messy. It’s uncertain. It can feel discouraging. But the good news is that the messy middle isn’t a sign that you’re failing. In fact, it’s proof that you’re in motion and it’s where the actual transformation happens.

So today we’re going to dive deep into:

• What the messy middle is and why it feels so hard
• How to stay motivated when progress seems slow
• The traps that make us want to give up, and how to avoid them
• And practical strategies to not just survive the messy middle—but to embrace it, to know it’s coming and to look forward to it

This episode is for anyone who feels stuck between their old life and their new life. It’s for the person who’s tired of slipping back into old habits, who wonders if they’re ever going to “get it right,” who wants to know: Is this worth it? Will I actually make it to the other side?

And the spoiler alert is yes, yes, you will make it to the other side and the messy middle is where that “yes” is built.

So, let’s get into it.

First, let’s define what I mean when I say the messy middle. It’s that stage of transition when you’ve made a change, you’ve made a decision and you’ve started the movement towards that change yet the excitement has worn off, the leap forward has slowed maybe to a crawl, and the reward of finishing or reaching your goal hasn’t arrived yet.

At the beginning of change, you feel motivated. You set big goals, and even if it’s little steps like we always talk about, you’re full of energy. At the end, you hopefully feel accomplished, proud, and changed. You have something to celebrate. But the middle? That’s when it feels… muddy. Slow. Uncertain. It’s like deciding to run a marathon. The first few miles might feel exciting—you’ve got adrenaline, energy, maybe even a crowd cheering. And the last mile feels powerful, because you can see the finish line. But mile 14 out of 26? That’s the messy middle. No one’s cheering. Your body hurts. You can’t see the finish line yet. You wonder: Why did I even sign up for this?

The same thing happens in life. You decide to eat healthier. At first, it’s cleansing to clean out your cabinets, you find it exciting to buy fresh food and start cooking new recipes and sharing them with others. But three weeks in, when you’re tired, busy, work is driving you crazy and you find yourself craving the old comfort foods, you know, the mac and cheese, the doritos, the ice ceam late at night, it’s messy. Or maybe you’ve decided to work on your mindset, stop negative self-talk, practice gratitude, or learn to set boundaries. At first, you’re energized by the idea, you have sticky notes on your mirror, you’re reading self help books. But then old patterns creep back in, leave the book on the coffee table, you ignore the sticky notes as you’re running late for work, progress feels slow, and you wonder if you’re really changing at all.

That space, my friends, is the messy middle. And I don’t care who you are or how evolved you’ve become, we will all experience it. It’s human nature and I’ll be the first to say, especially as an Aries, I want what I want, and I want it now and I have to fight against my nature. And whether you’re a calmer Virgo or any other, the messy middle is hard because most times the progress isn’t always visible in the short term, habits take longer to form than we expect, even if we set realistic goals, sometimes the timeline shifts. And our brains crave comfort and familiarity and we all want what we want when we want it...we all want the reward without the wait.

So why do we have to deal with the messy middle? Because it’s actually the most important part of the journey. Because this is where growth really happens. When you push through resistance, when you keep showing up even when it doesn’t feel easy or exciting, you are reprogramming your brain. You’re teaching yourself that you are capable of showing up, even without instant rewards, you are showing yourself that you are committed to yourself. The messy middle is where resilience is formed. It’s where you stop relying only on motivation and start learning the power of discipline, patience, and faith, faith in the process, faith in your journey, faith in yourself.

And let’s not kid ourselves the messy middle is usually where most people give up. Which means if you can learn to stay there, to keep going, you’ve already set yourself apart. You’ve already created space for transformation. Think of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. It doesn’t go from crawling to flying overnight. It has to go into the cocoon, that dark, uncomfortable, messy middle. But inside that cocoon, the caterpillar literally breaks down, it turns into a pile of goo and reorganizes itself into something completely new. That middle stage looks like chaos, but it’s actually creation.

The same is true for us. When you’re in the middle, it might feel chaotic, unclear, messy. But it’s where you’re being remade. You are not a mess my friends, you are a beautiful butterfly just waiting to grow your wings

So, if the middle is so important, why do so many of us want to give up there? There’s a few reasons. The first is that we expect progress to be linear. We think change should look like a straight upward line or movement forward. But real growth looks more like a messy scribble—two steps forward, one step back, a plateau, a breakthrough, maybe a step to the side as we reorganize ourselves, and then another dip and another step forward. When progress isn’t smooth, we assume we’re failing. But we’re just finding our footing and learning and adjusting. Those areas you think of as setbacks, that’s information, that’s opportunity. So they are not setbacks, they are setups.

Second, we compare ourselves to others. In the messy middle, it’s easy to look at people who are “further along” and think, Why isn’t it that easy for me? We forget that they had their own messy middle too. And remember we all come from different backgrounds, different experiences and different stories that we have told ourselves based on our histories. We are all unique and the only comparison you need to be doing is with your prior self. And if you struggle with this, I did a whole podcast on this.

The thirds is that we crave quick results, especially here in the western culture and honestly in the world today with always on, immediate touchpoints, 1 hour delivery, where we are obsessed with instant gratification. But change, real, lasting change, takes time. And when we don’t see results fast enough, we get discouraged.

And finally, our brains resist discomfort, we’re wired that way because discomfort in the past meant death, meant not having warmth and freezing, meant being chased by a lion. Our brains are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. And the middle is typically uncomfortable. So your brain tries to convince you to quit, to go back to what’s familiar, what’s safe, what’s easy.

Recognizing these traps is the first step. Once you know why you’re tempted to give up, you can start to build strategies to expect this and to keep moving forward.

So what are those strategies and how we stay motivated when we’re stuck in the middle?

As we always say here, break things into the small wins. Instead of focusing only on the end result, the big payoff, celebrate progress along the way. For example, if your goal is to get healthier, don’t just celebrate when you hit your ideal weight or fitness level. Celebrate that you made it to the gym three times this week. Celebrate that you chose water over soda today. Small wins fuel momentum.

Track your progress. When you feel stuck, it’s easy to forget how far you’ve come so write it down, document where you started, and where you’re at now. Keep a journal, use an app, or even just jot down little notes of what you’ve done. When you look back, you’ll see growth, even if it feels slow in the moment.

Remember to find your why and anchor to it. When motivation fades, purpose keeps you going, your reasons, your why keeps you going. Ask yourself: Why did I start this? What’s the deeper reason I want this change? Write it down. Post it somewhere visible. When you’re tempted to quit, return to your why.

Focus on progress, not perfection. Progress no matter how small is doable, perfection is unattainable. The messy middle is, by definition, messy. You will slip up. You will have off days. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed and as my Dad would say, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. 

Find your support. Last week we talked about how to make it easier to ask for help so ask if you need. Surround yourself with your cheerleaders. It’s easier to keep going when you’re not alone. Share your journey with a friend, a coach, or a community. Sometimes just saying out loud, “Hey, I’m struggling today,” can help you keep going.

Focus on the identity of who you’re becoming, not just the outcome. Instead of saying, “I want to run a marathon,” focus on becoming “a person who trains consistently.” Instead of, “I want to lose weight,” focus on “I’m becoming someone who nourishes their body.” When you tie your habits to your identity, it’s easier to stick with them.

And finally, practice self-compassion. We always talk about being kind to ourselves but know that you may need to be extra kind to yourself in the middle. You are learning, growing, you’re unlearning old patterns, you purposely putting yourself in discomfort so you can grow. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend. Encourage yourself. Remind yourself that growth is hard, but you’re doing it.

And here’s something else to think about, what if the messy middle is the actual point of the story. We think we’re only successful when this is done, or I’ve completed that. But the truth is, the real transformation is happening in the middle. This is where you’re building resilience, patience, character, and depth. Think about the stories we love most, the movies, books, even our own personal memories. The best stories don’t skip over the middle. The middle is where the struggle happens. It’s where the character is tested. It’s where the transformation unfolds. It’s where duck becomes the swan.

So instead of rushing through the messy middle, what if you embraced it? What if you allowed yourself to be in process, to grow slowly, to value the lessons of the middle instead of just the reward of the end?

But all of this is easier said than done at times. Even with all these strategies and ideas, there will still be days when you want to quit. So what do you do then?

First of all pause, don’t quit, just take a pause. When you feel like giving up, take a break. Rest. Reflect, figure out why you’re feeling like you do. Listen to your body and your mind, often, what we need not quitting or a total reset, it’s just a moment to breathe, and say it’s ok that I pause for a bit.
 Remember that this is just one day, one week, one season. Your messy middle is just a chapter, not the whole story. And I know sometimes this messy middle can feel like the longest middle that’s ever been and you just want to get to the end. But take your time, return to your why. Take the time you need to reconnect with the deeper reason you started. Let that guide you more than your temporary feelings, your temporary discomfort. And remember, it’s all temporary. And finally, look at adjusting, not abandoning. Maybe the plan you set for yourself is too rigid. Maybe you need to tweak your routine or lower the pressure, give yourself some grace and kindness. If you have to adjust, that’s not failure, that’s wisdom. And if you feel like to have to start fresh, then remember, you are never starting from scratch, you’re starting from experience.

Before we close, remember that the messy middle is where you build the strength that will carry you thru, where you learn what works and what doesn’t, it’s where you are setting yourself up for where you want to be, for where you need to be, for where your journey is guiding you. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it’s uncertain. But it’s also proof that you’re moving, you’re changing, you’re stepping into something new. So don’t rush it, and don’t resist it. Embrace your becoming, embrace your evolution. You are growing, you are becoming, from that pile of goo to that beautiful butterfly!

So don’t rush it. Don’t resist it. Embrace it.

Thank you for spending this time with me today. If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend who might also be stuck in their messy middle. Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that we’re not alone in this and that as messy as this feels, right here in that middle is where we are supposed to be. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep showing up, keep taking those purposeful and intentional steps forward with love, grace and kindness and you will move from your cocoon into your beautiful, powerful wings, little by little and peace by peace.