Finding Peace in Recovering, Not Just Surviving

There’s a difference between getting through and truly healing. Survival is what keeps you going when everything feels heavy. But recovery… that’s when your body and mind finally start to believe you’re safe again. It’s when you begin to rebuild what fear, pain, or trauma once took from you, to rebuild your peace, your rest, your joy.

You don’t have to live in survival mode forever. You deserve to soften, to exhale, to recover. So let’s talk about what it really means to move beyond just getting by, and start truly living.

Transcript

Hey friends, welcome back, or welcome for the first time. However you got here, whether you’ve been here before or not, I’m glad we can spend this time together. Whether you’re listening while walking, driving, doing the dishes, or just sitting quietly with your thoughts, thank you for giving yourself this time. And if someone sent this to you today, thank them for thinking of you and maybe knowing just what you needed to hear today. Today we’re talking about what it means to move from surviving to recovering and this came up specifically because I heard someone’s story last week and you know how many times these podcasts are built off of your stories, our interactions. So this man described how he went thru a critical medical event last year and how over the course of many months, he talked about just surviving the actual event but then how his survival turned into recovery and how they were two very different things about how survival was more about the physical event, the physical therapy he needed, the scars that needed to heal, moving his body in different ways now. And then how he finally had to move into recovery both recovering his body but more importantly recovering mentally for what he went thru and where he needed to go, how his life would change and I was so inspired that I wanted to elaborate a bit. It really got me thinking about how those two things are not the same things though they often get tangled together. So many of us live in survival mode for far longer than we realize, many of us from medical or physical issues but many more of us from emotional and mental. Sometimes it starts out of necessity, when life hits hard, when our bodies or our minds are overwhelmed, when we’re just trying to make it through the day. But after a while, survival can become a pattern. It can become our baseline, our new normal and the only way we know how to exist anymore. And at some point, we forget what it feels like to truly live. To heal. To recover.

Let’s start with defining these because understanding the difference is important. To survive means to keep going, even when things are hard. It’s the grit, the willpower, the “just get through today” energy. Survival is about endurance. It’s what gets us through trauma, illness, loss, or uncertainty. It’s the version of you that says, “I can’t stop now. I just have to keep moving.” And that’s something to honor, it’s powerful and it’s necessary at times. Because survival takes strength and it takes resilience. It means you didn’t give up, even when everything in you wanted to, everything in your body, your mind, your soul just wanted it all to stop. Surviving was necessary at the time, it’s what kept you alive, maybe not physically but in spirit, and the difference is that recovering helps you live. Recovery is softer, it’s slower and a different type of energy. It’s when the body or mind finally starts to believe that it’s safe again. It’s when you begin to rebuild what survival forced you to neglect, your rest, your trust, your creativity, your joy. There’s a beautiful quote by Brianna Wiest who is a writer and poet who has done a lot of work on self-awareness, healing, and emotional resilience and she said “Survival mode is supposed to be temporary. You can’t build a home out of fear.” And that’s what recovery really is, learning how to build a home inside yourself after living in fear, pain, or crisis. It’s saying, “I made it through. But now, how do I rebuild?” Whether it’s fear of having another medical event, fear of being emotionally hurt again, fear of overcoming deep seated traumas. How do you move from surviving to recovering in any of those, how do you begin to rebuild?

Let’s first see what does survival actually look and feel like when it’s not physical survival like recovering from a car accident but it’s more of a mental survival? Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re in it. Survival can look like feeling constantly on edge or tense, running on autopilot, avoiding emotions because they feel too heavy, doing everything for everyone else but having nothing left for yourself, or being exhausted but unable to rest. It’s the feeling of always needing to stay alert, as if letting your guard down for even a moment might cause everything to fall apart. And if you’ve been in that space, whether because of grief, trauma, illness, heartbreak, or burnout, please know there’s no shame in survival. Sometimes, surviving is the bravest thing you can do. Sometimes, it’s all you can do. But eventually, survival starts to drain you, because it’s not meant to be a permanent home. It’s a shelter you stay in while the storm passes. Recovery begins when you start to realize that the storm isn’t raging anymore, even if your body and mind still feel sopping wet from it.

And the hard part is that sometimes even after the storm ends, you find yourself still bracing for impact. Your body, your mind, your nervous system, they’ve learned to expect danger, they are waiting for the lightning storm. You might even feel uncomfortable when things start to calm down, because peace feels unfamiliar. You might find yourself thinking, “Something’s wrong, it’s too quiet,” or “I don’t know who I am without the struggle.” You’ve begun to define yourself by your struggles. That’s when survival mode has become habitual. You’ve learned to live in a state of defense. But it’s okay to stop bracing. It’s okay to exhale. It’s okay to learn how to feel safe again. That’s recovery. That’s what it means to move beyond surviving, to allow yourself to soften after years of staying strong.

But how do you do that? First of all realizing that recovery isn’t a single moment, it’s a process of relearning. It’s relearning how to listen to your body. How to rest without guilt. How to trust again, how o trust yourself, how to trust others, how to trust life. How to believe that you’re allowed to be okay. And sometimes, recovery is confusing, because it doesn’t always feel good at first. When you’ve been in survival mode for so long, slowing down can feel wrong. Rest can feel unproductive. Safety can feel boring. But what’s actually happening is that your nervous system is re-calibrating. It’s learning to live without chaos. There’s a quote by Morgan Harper Nichols, a poet and artist who reflects on healing and hope and she said “You are allowed to rest in the space between what you survived and what you’re becoming.” That’s what recovery is. It’s the in-between space, the bridge between who you were when you were fighting to survive and who you’re becoming as you learn to thrive again.

So how do you start moving from survival to recovery, especially when you’ve lived in survival for so long, for years even? Let’s take those little steps like we do here, and the first step is to recognize you’re safe now. This is the most important part. Your body can’t begin to heal if it still believes it’s in danger. Sometimes you have to remind yourself, out loud even by saying “I’m safe now.” Maybe you repeat it as an affirmation. Maybe you sit quietly, and place a hand over your heart, it’s like your own hug to yourself, and take a deep breath as you say it. Even if your mind doesn’t fully believe it yet, your body will start to listen. We’ve talked about this in the past about how when you say something, your brain wants to always be right and will start to make it happen. Next, bring back some gentle structure in your life. In survival, structure often disappears, you live moment to moment. Recovery can bring healthy rhythm back into your days, not rigid routines, but supportive flows. Simple things like morning sunlight, eating good food, or a daily walk. Your nervous system thrives on predictability and small, loving habits, small moments of self care.

Then, allow yourself to feel. Survival teaches us to suppress. Recovery asks us to feel. It might be grief that you’ve not dealt with yet, fear that was buried, anger that was suppressed. Feeling them doesn’t mean you’re falling apart, doesn’t have to be a struggle. It means you’re finally safe enough to release what’s been stored inside and instead of a struggle, it can be a release. And if you need to, get support, recovery doesn’t mean doing it alone. In fact, connection is a vital part of healing. That might mean therapy, community, talking to a trusted friend, or even spiritual guidance, whatever works for each of you...there is no right or wrong way. 

And finally, redefine what strength means to you. When you’ve lived in survival, strength can mean endurance, pushing through, holding it together. In recovery, strength can start to look different. It’s softness, it’s vulnerability. It’s saying, “I need rest,” or “I need help.” That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom. We talk about allowing ourselves to ask for help in episode 35 if you want to hear more on that.

And remember that recovery isn’t linear, it can move in waves. Some days you’ll feel light, present, grateful, and other days, you might slip back into old survival patterns, especially when you’re stressed, and that’s normal. That’s part of healing. Because even when you fall back into old patterns, you notice it now and noticing is part of the progress. Awareness is recovery. Every time you choose to rest instead of push, that’s recovery. Every time you choose calm instead of chaos, that’s recovery. Every time you say, “I’m not in danger anymore, I’m safe” that’s recovery. It’s your body starting to believe what your heart already knows, that it’s okay to be okay. And if you’re having a day you’re not feeling ok, that’s ok as well...it’s all part of the process.

Whether you’re healing from something physical, like an illness, surgery, or injury, or something emotional, like grief, a divorce, trauma, or burnout, the principles are the same. Both require patience. Both require compassion. Both require time. Physical recovery is often more visible, people can see your progress, your appointments, your scars. Emotional recovery can be more invisible. It happens quietly, internally. It’s not dramatic. It’s small moments of re-learning safety. And sometimes, that invisibility can make it feel like it’s “not real enough” or “not valid.” But it is. If you’re rebuilding after heartbreak, trauma, loss, or depression, you are recovering and healing. Even if no one else can see it. Because recovery isn’t just about what others can see, it’s about the peace returning within you that you feel.

Let’s pause for a moment and talk about how tired you feel after living in survival for too long. There’s a fatigue that sets in when you’ve been strong for too long, a kind of emotional exhaustion that seeps into your bones. You’ve been running on adrenaline, holding everything together, doing what you had to do to get through. When the body finally starts to relax, it can feel like you’re “crashing.” You might feel sad, numb, or a bit empty. And that’s ok, that’s your body coming down from survival mode. It’s what happens when the constant state of alertness begins to fade. Think of it like this...when a soldier comes home from war, their body is safe, but their nervous system doesn’t immediately know that, they might respond in defense, they might flinch at loud noises, remembering where they were instead of where they are. It takes time for them to re-learn peace. And you’re allowed that same grace.

Survival mode is all about output...what are you doing, fixing, managing, protecting. Recovery asks you to receive. Receive rest. Receive care. Receive love. Receive joy even when it feels unfamiliar. It’s the quiet courage of being gentle with yourself, even when the world tells you to keep pushing. You’re learning to tend to your wounds instead of hiding them. To nurture your needs instead of neglecting them. To rebuild your life around rest, joy, and purpose. Remember that you already have within you what you’ve been searching for outside of you. You don’t need to earn peace. You just need to allow it to come forward.

Recovery doesn’t always look the way we expect. Sometimes it’s subtle, it might look like smiling, really smiling and feeling it in your soul again. Feeling peace in moments that used to trigger anxiety. Enjoying the quiet without needing to fill it. Laughing, not to hide pain as many of us do, we use humor to hide what we’re feeling. But laughing because you genuinely feel light. Saying no without guilt, remember saying no to someone means you’re saying yes to you! Waking up and realizing you’re not dreading the day. Those are signs of recovery, tiny victories that mean everything. Healing doesn’t announce itself, it just quietly arrives, one gentle moment at a time.

One of the hardest parts of recovery is letting go of the identity that comes with surviving. When you’ve fought hard battles, survival becomes part of who you are, it’s woven into your story, and becomes your identity. And sometimes, letting go of that identity feels like betrayal. You might think: “If I stop being strong, who am I?” But you’re not abandoning strength, you’re redefining it. You’re learning that you don’t always need to fight to prove your worth. It’s okay to just let yourself live because you’ve always been worthy. 

Everything we talk about here, it all comes back to this idea that healing happens without a party, without a timeline. There’s no rush. There’s no “I should be better by now.” The same patience that kept you alive in survival is the same patience that will carry you through recovery. Recovery asks you to be gentle, consistent, and kind, to yourself and your process. Because eventually, one day, you’ll wake up and realize that you’re not surviving anymore. You’re living. You’re present and you’re free. Free of the pain, free of the fight or flight, free of the constant daily battles...you’re free to live with peace in your heart and mind.

So today, I want to leave you with a few reminders, that you are allowed to move at your own pace. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting, it means finding peace with what happened. You are not broken, you are rebuilding. And most importantly, you made it. You are making it. You are still here and I for one am grateful that you are. There’s a final quote by C.S. Lewis, a British writer who wrote The Chronicles of Narnia and that quote says: “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” And maybe that’s what recovery really is, the extraordinary act of remembering that you are more than what you went through. That you are more than what you have survived.

Thank you for spending this time with me today, for listening, for breathing, and for showing up for yourself, even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard. If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear that surviving isn’t the end of their story, that recovery, peace, and joy are still possible. Because you and they deserve more than just to survive, you deserve to thrive. You deserve to live your lives with more softness, and more joy and you deserve to heal, and you will heal as you keep showing up for yourself like you did today...little by little, and peace by peace.