The Pause Button: Learning to Respond, Not React

We all know that moment when emotions take the wheel — the quick text, the sharp reply, the rising heat in your body. Your first reaction is sometimes automatic. But your second reaction is a choice. And that choice is where your peace and power lives. 🌿

Today’s episode is all about the power in the pause — the space between the spark and the flame — where you get to decide how you want to show up. Take a breath, listen in and learn how to pause to protect your peace.

Transcript

Hey friends, welcome back or welcome aboard. I’m so glad you’re giving time to yourself today. Whether this is your first time joining me or you’ve been here before, thank you for giving yourself this time to slow down and listen in and if someone sent this to you, thank them for reminding you of your power. Today, I want to talk about something that has the power to change how you move through your day, how you show up in relationships, and how you experience peace within yourself. It’s the difference between reacting and responding. It sounds small, but as we are all about here, the small can create big differences in your life.

We’ve all been there, someone says something that stings, a situation doesn’t go the way we planned, or life throws us an unexpected curveball. Before we even realize it, we’ve reacted and most times it’s without thinking...at all. The words fly out before you can even think about stopping them. The frustration spills over. The email is sent. The door slams. And sometimes you get that next immediate reaction which is, oh crap, what did I just do, where’s the damn undo button?

And even if it’s not immediately after, there’s still usually that time later on when the dust has settled and you think, “Why did I let that get to me? I could’ve handled that differently.” That’s the space we’re going to talk about today, the space between the spark and the flame. And if we can see that space, harness that space, we will see there is power in that space and that’s also where peace can begin to take hold, instead of chaos.

Our first reaction is typically instinctively, it’s your nervous system doing its job. It’s your brain saying, “Something’s off. Something’s threatening. All hands on deck, protect yourself.” It’s primal and it’s automatic. And it tends to be your default, whatever that default is. Your default is usually how you learned to react as a child, it’s what you fall back into when you feel like your back is up against the wall. So that’s how we first react, our automatic default based on years of habits and experiences. But what about our second reaction, how do we get to that second reaction which is where your growth shows up. That’s where awareness steps in and says, “Okay. This happened. Now what? How do I want to show up right now?” Instead of that reaction, you now have a choice. That’s your freedom, that’s your power and that’s where reaction becomes response.

Learning to respond instead of react isn’t about never feeling angry, frustrated, or hurt. It’s about becoming the kind of person who knows how to pause before deciding what to do with those emotions. Because that pause, that quiet, intentional breath, that moment, is where your wisdom begins to grow and helps to add to your peace.

But let’s first start with a little science. When we react impulsively, it’s because the amygdala, the part of our brain responsible for our fight, flight, or freeze response, hijacks our system. Our body releases cortisol and adrenaline, preparing us to defend or escape. That’s great if you’re being chased by a bear.
Not so great if your boss sent an email that was insensitive, or your partner had a bad day and was extra cranky when they got home. Our brain doesn’t always know the difference between physical danger and emotional discomfort. It just knows we feel threatened. That’s why it’s so easy to fire off that text, to raise your voice, to shut down, or to withdraw. You are automatically protecting yourself.

But when we take a breath, literally one deep, intentional breath, we give our prefrontal cortex (the part of our brain responsible for rational thought and decision-making) time to catch up and say, hey, let’s take a minute. That’s how we shift from reaction to response. We move from survival mode to self-control. From chaos to clarity. And over time, when we practice this, our nervous system learns that not everything is a bear, not everything requires an emergency response.

And choosing not to react can be the strongest action you take. At first, that might sound like weakness, like you’re backing down or letting something slide. But it’s actually the complete opposite. Because not reacting doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’ve chosen peace over chaos. It means you’ve decided not to give your energy to something that doesn’t deserve to live rent-free in your mind. Choosing not to react is an act of emotional mastery. Doesn’t that sound impressive...to be a master of your mind.

It’s saying, “I see what’s happening. I see how I feel. But I also see that I don’t have to let this pull me out of alignment.” That is strength. When someone tries to provoke you, or it could be unintentional, maybe a co-worker, a family member, or even someone online, and you meet that energy with calm, that’s power. Not loud power. Not aggressive power. Not puffing out your chest and raising your voice. But power that is quiet, grounded, and unshakable. That’s the kind of strength that speaks volumes without saying a word.

Part of the problem though is that not everyone has learned this yet, including ourselves, and more importantly, not everyone is consistent. Not everyone is doing the work to grow, to reflect, or to regulate their emotions. You might be evolving, learning to be more mindful, more grounded, but others around you might still be operating from old wounds, old habits, or unchecked pain, from their own default place. And when that happens, their reactions can spill into your life. Maybe you’ve noticed how someone else’s energy can shift your whole mood, their frustration becomes your tension, their drama becomes your stress, their negativity becomes your burden.

But we all know what the truth is, that you can’t control how other people show up. You can only control how you choose to respond. That’s where your peace lives, in knowing that someone else’s behavior doesn’t have to dictate your own. You get to be the calm in the storm. You get to be the grounding presence that says, “I’m not matching that energy. I’m staying centered.” Thank you but no thank you, I choose not to accept that.

That’s not easy, especially when someone crosses your boundaries or treats you unfairly. But that’s where your growth is tested, not in how you show up when things are easy, but in how you show up when they’re not. Learning to respond instead of react is like building a muscle. It takes practice, patience, and repetition. And I’ll be the first to say no matter how much work I’ve done internally, for many years now, I still drop the F bomb, slam my keyboard, and let myself get all worked up over silly things. And at those times, I give myself grace and kindness, I take a breath and recenter and know that I can do better.

So let’s talk about a few ways to strengthen that muscle in your daily life:

1. Build awareness of your triggers. Notice what sets you off. Is it a tone of voice? A specific person...you know the one that you’re just ready and waiting for them to push your buttons? A certain situation? When you can identify what triggers your reactions, you can prepare for them, you can meet them with awareness instead of surprise.

2. Practice the 3-breath rule. Before responding, to a text, a comment, a confrontation, take three slow breaths. Breathing slows your heart rate, clears your mind, and re-engages your rational brain. Sometimes, those three breaths are all it takes to transform a reaction into a response.

3. Reframe the story. Instead of assuming someone’s intention, pause and ask yourself: “What else could this mean?” Maybe that short text wasn’t rude, maybe they were just busy and trying to get things off their plate. Maybe that driver didn’t cut you off to be disrespectful, maybe they truly didn’t see you, and I know you’re thinking, they darn well saw me...well let’s think that they have to get to the hospital to see their new baby born. Reframing and letting go of your ego, that everything is about you, that reframing and letting go helps soften your automatic defensiveness.

4. Choose silence when necessary. Not every comment deserves a response, you don’t always need to have the last word. Not every battle needs to be fought. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is to not engage. That’s not avoidance, it’s power in the choice to stay silent.

5. Reflect after the fact. If you do react, and you will, because we’re human...use it as a lesson.  Ask yourself, “What did that reaction reveal about me? What part of me still needs healing, understanding, or compassion?” As someone at work said to me this week about reacting...find the value. That’s how you turn reaction into growth and turn future reactions into responses.

When you start to see your reactions as signals instead of failures, everything changes. Each reaction becomes a mirror showing you something about yourself, maybe an unmet need, a childhood hurt, or a fear that’s asking for attention. Instead of shaming yourself for reacting, you can start asking, “What is this trying to show me?” That’s emotional alchemy, transforming emotional reactions into self-awareness.

Because ultimately, it’s not about controlling your emotions; it’s about understanding them. When you understand them, when you shine the light on them, they stop controlling you. When you choose to respond instead of react, you step into alignment with who you want to be, not just who your impulses would make you be. You start living from intention instead of emotion. You start responding with kindness instead of defensiveness. With clarity instead of confusion. With patience instead of anger. 

And that doesn’t mean you let people walk over you. It means you know how to set boundaries calmly, communicate clearly, and act from your values instead of your triggers. It’s the difference between exploding and expressing. Between controlling others and instead controlling yourself. And when you live that way, you become a safe person, for yourself and for others.

There’s a different kind of energy that comes from response. Reaction energy feels sharp, rushed, impulsive, like fire. Response energy feels grounded, thoughtful, steady, like water. Fire burns. Water cools. Both have their place, but one sustains peace far longer. When you learn to respond, you shift from being emotionally tossed around by life to instead being anchored within it. You stop absorbing other people’s chaos and start radiating calm. And here’s something beautiful, that calm is contagious.

 When you respond with patience instead of anger, people feel it, and they see it. When you listen instead of defend, people soften. When you don’t mirror someone’s negativity, you break the cycle. You become the pattern-breaker. Sometimes, not reacting is the ultimate boundary. It says, “I don’t owe you my energy.” It says, “My peace is not up for negotiation.”

And that may feel cold, or removed but it’s not coldness, it’s clarity. It’s knowing that every reaction costs energy, and not every situation is worth that cost. You don’t need to correct every misunderstanding. You don’t need to prove your point to every person. You don’t need to win every argument and of course, you can’t. When you stop reacting, you start conserving your emotional energy for the things that truly matter, your growth, your joy, your relationships, your purpose. That’s how you protect your peace.

We live in a world that tells us we need to respond instantly, to texts, to comments, to news, to conflict.
 But strength isn’t in speed. Strength is in stillness. The power isn’t in how quickly you clap back. It’s in how deeply you stay rooted in your peace. When you stop reacting to everything, you start living from a deeper sense of self-trust. You no longer need to prove or defend who you are, you just know. You move differently. You speak differently. You breathe differently. Because you’re listening to the self you choose to be, and you’ve learned that silence can be louder than any reaction.

Every reaction is rooted in one of two energies, love or fear. When we react, it’s often fear talking, fear of being hurt, misunderstood, disrespected, or unseen. But when we respond, it’s love speaking, love for yourself, for your peace, for the person you’re becoming. Love says, “I can be calm even when things aren’t calm around me.” Love says, “I can speak truth without shouting.” Love says, “I can choose peace without needing to win.”

That’s not passive, that’s powerful. This is what we’re really about here, the small, intentional shifts that create a more peaceful life. Because you don’t learn to stop reacting overnight. You learn it moment by moment, one pause, one breath, one mindful choice at a time. You’ll still slip up. You’ll still react sometimes. But even that is progress, because you’ll notice it faster, recover quicker, and learn more deeply. And every time you do, you reclaim a little more of your peace. 

So today, I want you to remember this, your reaction is not your identity. Your peace is not at the mercy of other people’s chaos. And your power, your true, grounded, quiet power, lives in the space between the spark and the flame. That’s where you get to decide who you are.

So the next time you feel yourself reacting, when the heat rises in your chest, when your words are ready to fly, when your emotions start to take over, just pause. Take a breath. Then ask yourself:
 “What choice do I want to make right now? What version of me do I want to show up as?”

And if all you do in that moment is pause, you’ve already won. Because that pause means awareness has arrived. It means you’re no longer being pulled by your emotions, you’re guiding them. It means you’ve begun the shift from reacting to responding. And that’s how you transform your life.

So today, think about being more mindful, helping to create the space between the trigger and the reaction. When you purposely pause before responding to just one thing today, ask yourself how that helped change the situation. And maybe reflect on what’s one situation you wish you had paused before reacting and how could you have done things differently. That is how you move forward and change from reaction to response, one mindful choice at a time. 

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need a reminder to breathe before reacting — someone who’s learning to protect their peace, just like you. And remember, every pause you take, every deep breath you choose, every moment you respond instead of react, that’s a small act of becoming, it’s you choosing growth, choosing grace, choosing how you show up and change your life for the better, little by little, peace by peace.