Self Care and Your Energy, Effort vs Outcome

 Are you giving your energy to people, tasks, or projects that truly matter? Sometimes we work hard, care deeply, or show up consistently, but the results don’t match the effort. In this episode we explore how to recognize when your effort is aligned with meaningful outcomes, with your values, but also when it’s time to step back, and how to preserve your energy for what really counts.

Listen in and find ways to find more peace by choosing who and what gets your energy!

Transcript

Hey friends, welcome back to our little podcast of self care. I’m so glad you pressed play and made this a part of your day today. Whether you’re listening during a morning walk, a quiet cup of tea, or the small moments in between a busy day, thank you for showing up for yourself. That simple act of pausing, breathing, and giving yourself attention is already a little bit of peace. And this is a simple low effort way to take care of yourself and make yourself a priority, and today that is what we’re talking about. The effort we put into things and people and how to know it’s worth it. What is the effort and what is the expected outcome from your effort and why do we feel the need to spend so much energy and time on things that don’t play a positive role in our lives?

Specifically, how we often spend our energy and time, sometimes without realizing if it’s really worth it. How do we know when the effort we put into something, or someone, is producing results that truly matter? And when is it time to step back, time to preserve our energy, and take a look at what we’re putting in and what we’re getting back, when is it time to shift focus?

We live in a culture that glorifies effort and more about how things look instead of how they really are. Work hard, push through, keep showing up, if you do all that, success or love or connection will naturally follow. On the surface, it makes sense to think if you put in more effort, you will get more in the end. And effort is important. Without it, nothing moves forward. But the reality is that not all effort produces meaningful outcomes, and sometimes the energy we invest in people, tasks, or projects doesn’t reflect the return we need for our own well-being and for what we need to move forward in our lives.

Let’s break this effort vs outcome down in more simple terms. Imagine a seesaw. On one side is effort, on the other side is outcome. If the effort is heavy and the outcome light, the balance is off. You may be exhausted, frustrated, or even resentful, because your energy isn’t producing results that matter to you, you feel off balance in your life and in your emotions just like the seesaw.

This isn’t just a metaphor, it’s real in both psychological and physical terms. When we consistently put effort into something that doesn’t yield meaningful outcomes, we risk burnout, decreased motivation, and emotional fatigue. The brain actually responds to this imbalance. A study published in Motivation and Emotion Journal found that when effort doesn’t produce expected outcomes, it can activate areas of the brain associated with stress and negative emotion, leading to decreased persistence and even disengagement. These feelings of imbalance can result in a feeling of shutting down.

On the other hand, when effort and outcome are aligned or when the energy you invest produces meaningful results, you then feel rewarded, motivated, and more resilient. That alignment is what creates long-term satisfaction and a sense of flow in life. A greater sense of balance and alignment within your soul.

So how do we begin to evaluate our effort versus outcome? A simple step is to become mindful of where your energy is going. Ask yourself: Is what I’m investing my time and emotion into bringing results that matter to me? Is it supporting my goals, values, or sense of well-being?

Let’s think about people for a moment. Sometimes we invest into relationships, whether friendships, family, or romantic connections, and they can demand much more than they give back. That doesn’t mean you stop caring or stop being compassionate, but it does mean you check in with yourself. Are you consistently giving more to these others than you receive? Are you showing up for someone who isn’t showing up for you in ways that matter? And why are you doing it...is it out of duty, out of guilt, out of that’s just how it’s always been?

The same thing applies to projects or work. We can put endless hours into something that doesn’t move us forward or doesn’t produce the results we need. That can feel like treading water where you’re wasting a lot of energy but never moving. It’s not laziness to stop, to step back and reassess, to take a moment to pause and look at things and reflect on that seesaw.

Another study, published in Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, showed that individuals who regularly evaluated the return on effort in their work and adjusted their focus as they saw the imbalances experienced less burnout and higher job satisfaction. In other words, reflection and adjustment are not indulgences, they are essential for maintaining energy, focus, and peace. They are essential to your own self-care, self-love and self-worth.

But sometimes effort is not just about achieving a goal; it’s about attachment. We stay attached to people, ideas, or projects because we’ve invested so much energy already, we’ve invested so much time out of your lives, years even, or because we fear letting go. While we don’t like how it feels right now, it’s what we know and there is comfort in the discomfort. This is the sunk cost fallacy which is a cognitive bias that makes you feel you should continue pouring money, time, or effort into a situation since you’ve already "sunk" so much into it already. This perceived sunk cost makes it difficult to walk away from the situation since you don’t want to see your time, money or energy wasted. So the more we’ve put in, the harder it feels to step away, even when the outcome isn’t meaningful.

Self-care requires noticing that attachment. It requires asking, Is this effort nourishing my life, or is it draining me in ways that don’t matter? Are my actions aligned with my values and my well-being, or am I holding on out of habit or fear? The truth is, knowing when to release effort is just as important as knowing how to work hard or when to keep going

Let’s make this concrete. Imagine a friend who continually invites you to gatherings or activities you don’t enjoy. Maybe you used to in the past but your life has changed now. Maybe you are trying to be more healthy and getting to bed earlier or eating less junk, not so late at night, maybe drinking less. But you go because you’ve always gone, or because you feel obligated. Your effort is high, you’re showing up, participating, engaging, but the outcome is low. You leave tired, maybe irritated, without any real joy or connection or maybe you feel like you’ve let yourself down. 

Or think about a professional project. Perhaps you’re pouring time into a report or task that doesn’t actually provide any real results, maybe it’s because you hear “we’ve always done it this way.” You give it your all, but the outcome doesn’t change anything meaningful and it’s just frustrating. Or maybe it’s a job that no longer challenges you as much and it’s just repetitive and you’re no longer learning. Over time, that repetitive mismatch chips away at your energy, your motivation, and your peace of mind.

Now let’s flip the relationship example where the effort is reciprocated. Maybe you ask some friends to meet for late morning coffee or a walk and talk as I call them, a walk outside while you catch up and maybe stop for a quick bite. They still can go out late but then you get to enjoy time with them later the next day. You engage, communicate, and give your attention, and you feel a positive return. Your energy feels nourished, your heart feels lighter, and your connection grows stronger. The outcome matches the effort, and the cycle is restorative rather than depleting. These examples may seem small, but they matter because patterns like this shape how we experience life every day.  Even something as simple and easy as reading a book...in the past if I got close to halfway thru a book I felt like I needed to finish it but now I feel like there are so many good books in the world and not enough time to read them so if I don’t get into a book, I put it down and move on to the next one. Maybe we need to do that more in other areas of our lives.

Let’s make this actionable. Here are some ways you can start evaluating where your energy goes:

1. Write it down: Take a few minutes at the end of the day or week to note what tasks, relationships, or activities left you feeling energized, and what left you feeling depleted. Patterns wil start to emerge to help you figure out where you need to make adjustments.
2. Ask the outcome question: so for any ongoing effort, ask yourself: “Is what I’m investing in producing results that truly matter, and do they matter to me?” If not, consider adjusting your focus.
3. Set limits intentionally, boundaries are essential. If someone or something consistently demands energy without meaningful return, it’s okay to say no or to step back. Boundaries are not rejection, they’re protection for your own well-being to help ensure you have the energy you need for the things and people that are important to you.
4. Celebrate small wins as we are always about here. Effort doesn’t always have to equal massive outcomes. Sometimes small, consistent steps create the most meaningful results over time. 
5. And practice conscious detachment. Detachment isn’t aversion. It’s not turning away or withdrawing love or responsibility. It’s consciously choosing where to place your energy so that it’s effective and more importantly sustainable in the long run.

When we align effort with meaningful outcomes, we experience less stress and greater peace. Our nervous system is not constantly on alert, trying to “fix” what isn’t working. Our emotions feel regulated, because we are not repeatedly hitting the wall of frustration or disappointment, repeatedly putting ourselves on the back burner.

Conversely, misaligned effort can create emotional exhaustion. You may feel anxious, irritable, or hopeless and over time, this affects your health, your relationships, and your ability to show up as your best self. Balancing effort and outcome also helps us stay connected to purpose and our peace. When we see that our energy creates impact, no matter how small, we feel more energized and motivated. We feel competent and capable. And when we consistently align effort with outcome, we develop a trust in ourselves, we trust that we can invest our time and energy wisely and we trust that we make our own self-care a priority.

One area where this often comes up is in relationships and caregiving. Whether you are a parent, a partner, or caring for an elder, it can feel impossible to step back or assess outcomes objectively. You may feel like you have to give endlessly. Here’s where mindfulness and self-awareness are crucial. Even in caregiving, you can ask: What effort actually creates positive change or connection, how can I adjust so I feel like I’m making a difference? It may be as simple as reminding yourself of your why, why this is important to you and to those you are caring for, or look at tasks you take on that don’t actually improve the situation and just exhaust you, not from the work of the situation but from feeling like you’re mindlessly going in circles. And if the effort is needed but too much to take on, then don’t be afraid to ask for help, from other family members, from community, from local agencies. Adjusting your approach doesn’t mean you stop caring or that you’re giving up. It means you care smarter. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary to sustain your ability to give. By evaluating effort versus outcome, you’re protecting your own well-being while continuing to show up for others in ways that matter. 

There’s a quote by Peter Drucker, a management consultant, where he says “There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.” Think about that for a moment. Sometimes, we pride ourselves on being busy, productive, or helpful but if our efforts don’t matter in the way that aligns with our goals or values, or that just don’t make sense at all, we don’t even know why we’re doing it, then efficiency alone doesn’t matter much.

So how do you find that alignment, figuring out what you need to change? Think about all the people, projects, or commitments you’re currently investing in. Now think about what you hoped could be the outcome compared to what is actually happening. What do you need to adjust to get into alignment with your effort? And before taking on a new task or committing to someone, pause and ask: Will my energy have produced outcomes that matter? Or ask will this matter in the long run, will this matter tomorrow? Even a 30-second pause before acting can prevent unnecessary depletion.

The more we consciously evaluate our effort, the more peace we experience. We stop running in circles. We stop giving too much to situations or people that don’t respond in kind. We conserve our energy for what truly matters. And peace doesn’t mean absence of effort. It means effort that counts. It means work that feels aligned with purpose. It means love that is reciprocated, not necessarily in the exact same way and of course at times, one person needs more than the other at times. But is it always one side, always you giving more than you get? Start being conscious of those differences and start taking steps to feel better. And that could be that you have a difficult conversation about what you need and what you are not getting. What you are giving and what you are not receiving. And if the other person can’t or won’t reciprocate as you need, then realize you may need to change your effort or realize the relationship is not worth any more effort and time to step away. And whether that’s for good or just for now, you can re-evaluate when it feels right. But for right now, it’s ok to acknowledge that you deserve more. And this time of year with the holidays can be difficult because some of those re-evaluations involve family members. But as adults we all have to own our own actions and even if it’s a family member who’s causing the emotional seesaw to slam down, then it might be time to limit the energy you give them. Stop waiting for them to change and start do your own changing.

If this episode resonated with you, take one small step today to notice where your effort is going. It could be as simple as reflecting on a relationship, a project, or even a recurring habit. Ask yourself: Does this effort produce outcomes that matter to me? If not, what can I adjust, what do I need to let go of, what do I need to change, what do I need to do to gain back my balance on that seesaw?

So please share this episode with someone who could use a reminder that their energy is precious and deserves to be spent wisely. And if you haven’t already, subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen so you don’t miss our weekly conversations about mindfulness, self-care, and building inner peace one step at a time.

Remember, you have the power to direct your energy with intention, to preserve your well-being, and to create outcomes that actually matter. Thank you for being here today, thank yourself for being here today. Until next time, take a moment today to notice where your energy goes, and begin make space for what truly matters, begin to make space for the life you want to live, the life you deserve, little by little and peace by peace.