How to Find Good, Kind Humans, And How to Be One!

Good humans really are out there I promise you! The news won’t tell you because good doesn’t sell, fear and anger do. Good humans don’t have to be loud, perfect, or impressive and if fact they rarely are.

In this 50th episode, we explore what it really means to be a good human—quiet kindness, empathy in everyday moments, healthy boundaries, and being careful not to harm. So here’s your gentle reminder that goodness is often found in slowing down, noticing, and choosing compassion—for ourselves and others so listen in and let’s start noticing some goodness.

Transcript

Hello, my friends whether old friends who have been here week after week or new friends as of today, either way, I’m really glad you’re here today. Whether you pressed play while folding laundry, driving down the road, or simply needing a few quiet minutes to yourself, welcome. This space was made for moments exactly like this one—moments where nothing needs to be solved, proven, or perfected. Just moments to breathe, to listen, and to feel a little less alone.

Today believe it or not, is my 50th episode so today, I want to talk about good humans because ultimately that’s what one of the things this podcast is about. Being good humans, not perfect humans. Not impressive humans. Not the loudest voices in the room or the ones who seem to have it all figured out. Just basic good humans. The kind who make the world feel a little safer. A little softer. A little more livable. The kind who don’t demand your energy but somehow help you restore it.

Maybe you’re listening today because you’re searching for them and yes, there are many good humans in the world even though the news and the negative tone that sells will tell you otherwise. And maybe you’re having a hard time finding them, you feel like you don’t have any in your life but even if you really don’t, I truly believe they are there just waiting to be seen. Maybe you’re wondering if you already have some in your life and just haven’t noticed them yet or how to find them. Or maybe, you’re asking yourself how to become the kind of person who attracts more goodness without losing yourself in the process and that’s an important question to ask and a wonderful journey to go on because becoming that kind of person can be life changing to yourself, nevermind to those around you. So let’s take this slowly without any feeling the need to fix, or feeling judgmental. Let’s just focus on the noticing.

Now as those who have listened before know, I sometimes get my ideas just from every day life and this came up by saying hi to a cat and I know that sounds weird but let me tell you the story of how this just clicked in my heart and I thought, I have to share this. So I was out for a walk with a friend and we were deep in the middle of a conversation and he just randomly said, “hey cat” and then kept on talking as if he hadn’t just randomly thrown in that hello. I don’t even remember what we were talking about but I realized that we had just walked past a cat just sitting in the driveway and I thought, now that’s a sign of a good human. When he’s so empathetic that he’s acknowledging a cat just hanging out without any pause in the conversation. We tend to overcomplicate what it means to be a good person. When we hear the phrase “good human,” we often picture someone extraordinary—someone who is endlessly giving, endlessly patient, endlessly available, maybe someone who we see as a hero like a first responder, or a teacher, or someone who volunteers all the time and yes, it could be one of them but career choices are not what make a good human. Maybe we think it’s someone who always knows the right thing to say and never gets it wrong. But in real life, goodness is much quieter and much more human than that. For me it can be as simple and beautiful as someone who simply acknowledges a cat.

Good humans are not flawless. They get tired. They get frustrated. They say the wrong thing sometimes. They have bad days and moments of sharpness just like all of us because above all else, they are human. What makes them good is not perfection—it’s awareness within themselves. Their goodness doesn’t show up in saving a life, or sitting in cross legged position always calm with a smile on their face. It shows up most clearly in moments where no one is watching, applauding, or keeping score. They don’t show their goodness, it shows on it’s own and you feel it don’t you? 

One of the clearest indicators of this kind of goodness is how a person treats people who cannot offer them anything in return. Pay attention to how someone treats wait staff, baristas, or customer service workers especially on the phone. But when they’re in person, do they make eye contact? Do they speak with respect? Do they say thank you even though the person is just doing their job? Or do they treat those interactions as transactions, something this person is supposed to do for them, while dismissing the humanity on the other side of that transaction?

How someone treats people with less power or visibility tells you so much about who they are. Good humans don’t see service workers as invisible. They don’t see mistakes they may make as personal attacks. They remember that everyone is navigating something unseen, often while doing their best in less-than-ideal circumstances.

This awareness often shows up in shared spaces too—in grocery store aisles, parking lots, airports, and long lines. When things are not going their way, do they tense up as if inconvenience is an injustice of some sort? Or do they soften, adapt, and move with the reality of being alive among other people? Good humans understand—sometimes without consciously thinking about it—that inconvenience is part of being human together. They go with the flow of these inconveniences as just part of life recognizing we can’t control what happens to us but they can control the response, they can choose to wait in line with a smile and help others in the line by softening the atmosphere. And you feel that softness if you’re paying attention. If you slow down and see, you can benefit from these small interactions and let them warm you and soften your own heart.

For good humans, their empathy is rarely loud or performative. They aren’t trying to look kind. They simply are. They listen without planning their response. They don’t rush to fix your feelings or turn the conversation back to themselves. They notice shifts in energy and adjust without needing recognition for it. Good humans don’t make the world louder. They make it feel safer.

I truly believe there is so much more goodness in the world and so if this kind of goodness exists, why does it sometimes feel so hard to find? The truth is, good humans are not rare—but they are often quiet. In a world that rewards speed, certainty, charisma, and constant output, quiet goodness can be overlooked. We miss it when we’re rushing and doesn’t it always feel like we’re always rushing? We miss it when we’re looking for the shiny instead of the quiet, we miss it when we’re scanning for people who impress us instead of people who calm us. Calm can be boring but boring can be safe and stable and good.

So it can help to ask different questions. Instead of “Who stands out?” try asking, “Who feels steady?” Who in your life helps your nervous system settle rather than stay on edge? Who respects your boundaries without pushing back or needing an explanation? Who can disagree with you without turning it into a competition? Who feels safe to be imperfect around?

Those people are often your good humans. They may not always have the right words or the biggest presence, but they are consistent. They’re grounded and reliable. You don’t have to perform to keep your place with them. You are allowed to show up as you are. And if you’re surrounded by people who don’t allow you to show up as you are, or you’re surround but those who constantly keep you on edge, it may not be that they are not good humans, but they may not be the right humans for you right now.

Sometimes the good humans in our lives don’t look how we expected them to look. They may not share our background, beliefs, or lived experiences. But they share something deeper—a commitment to kindness, curiosity, and care. And you may find good humans are already closer than we realize. They are the ones who remember small details, who check in without needing a reason, who don’t push when you say no, and who make space instead of taking it.

Finding good humans isn’t about adding more people to your life. It’s about choosing quality over quantity. And sometimes that means acknowledging a hard truth: some relationships look good on the outside but quietly drain us on the inside. You can be surrounded by people and still feel deeply alone. The question is are you feeling alone because of the people around you or because of some other misalignment in yourself? Sometimes we may have to dig a little deeper and become more aware of what we’re feeling to find the why we’re feeling it and do a bit more work within ourselves to be open to accepting that love and care that good humans are offering us.

This naturally brings us to the idea of boundaries when we’re trying to work on ourselves and our journey and to a phrase that can feel uncomfortable at first and that is that access is earned. Being a good human does not mean everyone automatically gets full access to you. Compassion does not require closeness. Understanding someone’s pain does not obligate you to keep them nearby. Acceptance is internal, but access is relational—and relational access is built over time through respect, consistency, and care. You can accept someone for who they are while still choosing distance. You can hold empathy without offering intimacy. You can be kind without being available. This isn’t cold or cruel, it’s recognizing that your energy, time, and emotional space are not unlimited resources and you need to protect them and yourself.

But the good humans understand this too and will respect that. They don’t force closeness. They don’t demand access. They don’t take your boundaries as rejection. They respect your no without trying to negotiate it. They recognize that trust is something built slowly, not something owed. And they recognize that good humans do not require sameness. I am not a religious person at all but I am very spiritual and I believe that no matter what religion you affiliate with, as long as the end goal is to be kind and caring and to do right by others, then I don’t care if or how you pray. 

Now not everyone who is good is good for you. And that does not make either of you wrong. Some people are meant to be loved from afar. Some people are meant to walk with you on only part of your path. As the saying goes some people are meant to be in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and they are all valuable in their own way. Some people are lessons rather than lifelong companions. Letting go of someone doesn’t mean they were bad—it often just means the relationship no longer supports who you are becoming. Choosing who you surround yourself with is not selfish. It’s responsible and a form of self care and self love. The people closest to you shape how you speak to yourself, what behavior you normalize, how safe your nervous system feels, and how much energy you have to grow. You are allowed to curate your own life. You are allowed to protect your peace.

And with that protection comes another quiet responsibility: being careful not to harm. Being a good human isn’t just about what you do—it’s also about what you avoid. It’s about noticing the impact you have, even when your intentions come from a good place, a place of love. Harm doesn’t always come from cruelty. Sometimes harm can come from a place of control, of wanting more for others but not allowing them their journey. Or it could come from moving too fast through other people’s lives which seems to be a theme here. When we begin to slow our lives down a bit, slow our thoughts down and become more aware, we see more goodness in ourselves and in others.

Being careful not to harm means paying attention to how your words land, not just how they were meant. It means noticing when you’re projecting your own pain onto someone else. It means repairing when you misstep instead of defending yourself. It means apologizing without explaining it away, you know the I’m sorry but...if you have to add a but to your apology, it’s not longer an apology, it’s an explanation or an excuse for your response. So if you’ve harmed someone even unintentionally, own it as a good human and apologize, only apologize, don’t reason it.

Being a good human means leaving people and places better than you found them whenever you can. Leaving a conversation with more clarity than confusion. Leaving a shared space with more calm than tension. Leaving a relationship with more honesty than resentment. You won’t always get this right. None of us do. Being a good human doesn’t mean you never cause harm—it means you care when you do. It means you pause, reflect, and choose differently next time. It means you take responsibility for your impact, even when it’s uncomfortable. And if you’re feeling “well they harmed me first”, think of how you want to show up. Do you also want to be a person who harms and if this other person continues to trigger that in you, well then maybe you have to look at maybe adding some distance.

There’s something powerful about this kind of quiet integrity. Research shows that kindness is socially contagious. Witnessing even a small act of care increases the likelihood that we’ll act kindly ourselves. Brief, positive interactions—eye contact, patience, gentleness—can influence mood and behavior long after the moment has passed. Good humans create more good humans, often without even realizing it. Your patience in the grocery store matters. Your calm tone matters. Your willingness to assume positive intent matters. Small moments ripple outward in ways we may never see.

Being a good human you’re looking for doesn’t require perfection. It requires presence. Awareness. A willingness to slow down and ask, “How am I showing up right now?” It means choosing curiosity over judgment whenever possible and remembering that everyone you encounter is carrying something unseen. It means being careful not to harm. Not because the world is fragile—but because people are. Being careful not to harm doesn’t make you weak or a target for others to attack. It makes you trustworthy. Many of us feel like we have to be on the defensive, just waiting for someone to do us wrong. We find what we look for so if we’re looking for those to offend us, to feel against us, that is what we will find. But if we look for the good, look for the kindness, then we will find that instead. As I’ve shared many times before, our brains will always show us what we are looking for so look for the good.

As I close today, I want to invite you into a few quiet reflections. Who already feels like a good human in your life? Who leaves you feeling more like yourself rather than less? Where can you be a little more intentional about who has access to you? And where can you practice leaving people and places just a little better than you found them? And if you’re feeling like you haven’t seen or felt a good human in a while, then take each day to purposely look for them. Look for that stranger that holds the door, look for the person who smiles, look for the person who puts their grocery cart back, who gave a random compliment or noticed something beautiful in someone else. And more importantly, do those things yourself. Mahatma Ghandi said “be the change you want to see in the world” so remember, finding good humans starts with you. 

I thank you for being here and I thank you for sharing this with someone who also needs to see more goodness in the world and they will feel that goodness just by you sharing this with them. Thank you for listening, for maybe choosing softness in a hard world and for choosing to make the world a better place, one good human at a time. And thank you for being part of this community as we all become just a little bit more kind, a little bit more caring and a little bit more good, little by little and peace by peace.