Me, Myself and I, Using the Power of Talking to Yourself to Heal and Grow

Do you think talking to yourself is crazy? What if I told you it could be one of the best ways for you to self-connect and help guide you and open your thoughts? If you’re feeling stuck or out of alignment, learn how to use spoken soliloquies to slow your thoughts and clarify decisions. So if you’re feeling stuck in your head, here’s a small change to learn how to speak out and listen in to find more calm!

Transcript

 Welcome back to our community of self care and tiny changes. Thank you for showing up again this week and for showing up for yourself and if someone cares about you enough to have nudged you here by sharing this with you, then thank you to that other person as well. And if this is your first time here, I’m so glad you found us and you’ve giving us and yourself a chance to take a small step forward to a life you are imagining, to a life you may be craving. However you found your way here today, I’m really glad you did. This podcast is your reminder that growth doesn’t have to be harsh or dramatic to be meaningful and that no matter where you are in your life’s journey, it’s never too late to grow and make change.

Today, we are diving into a practice that, at first glance, might seem a little unconventional. We’re going to talk about speaking to yourself, out loud, with purpose. 

Not shouting at yourself in frustration.
 Not muttering insults under your breath in traffic.
 But intentionally talking to yourself with awareness, curiosity, and compassion.

We’re not talking about idle chatter or absent-minded muttering. We’re talking about deliberately articulating your deepest thoughts, your intentions, your confusion, and your desires to yourself. This practice is about externalizing your inner world so you can finally see it clearly, like taking a crumpled piece of paper out of your pocket and smoothing it flat. I got this idea as I was listening to a training to become a sobriety coach and the trainer mentioned using soliloquies for those seeking sobriety and using these as a tool to strengthen recovery. And the more she spoke about this and how it could help, I realized it can be used for all of us. And I know for myself, I’ll sometimes have a full on conversation back and forth with myself out loud when I’m trying to figure something out so here goes.

Talking to yourself can help when you are ready to stop letting your thoughts run a silent, chaotic monologue inside your head and are ready to bring them into the light where you can actually work with them. It is the moment we step from being the passive spectator of our inner life to the active playwright and director of our own life story. So today we’re exploring spoken soliloquies—those moments when you pause long enough to say what’s actually going on inside you. Moments when you give your inner world a voice so you can hear it clearly, understand it better, and choose how you want to move forward.

We’ll talk about how soliloquies help you:

• Increase self-awareness
• Stay aligned with the life you’re wanting and deserving of
• Let go of people, patterns, or choices that no longer serve you
• Make decisions with more clarity
• Reinforce belief in yourself
• And acknowledge and celebrate your growth instead of rushing past it

We’ll also talk about the history of soliloquies, how they were used in the past, how they’re different from affirmations—and yes, we’ll absolutely address the concern that talking to yourself out loud might feel a little wacky. It’s not, and in fact, it might be one of the healthiest things you can do. So settle in, take a breath, and let’s talk about how talking to yourself can actually help you come home to yourself.

So what is a soliloquy? The word soliloquy comes from the Latin soliloquium—solus meaning “alone,” and loqui meaning “to speak.” At its most basic level, a soliloquy is simply speaking while alone. Historically, soliloquies weren’t casual. They were intentional acts of reflection. In ancient Greek theatre, characters used soliloquies to wrestle with moral dilemmas, internal conflicts, and questions of identity and here we are hundreds of years later with the issues and concerns. The world and the events may be different, but dilemmas, conflicts and identity issues continue in today’s world. For Greek theatre, these moments weren’t about convincing anyone of anything—they were about revealing truth.

Fast forward to Shakespeare, where soliloquies became a way to expose a character’s private thoughts—fears they couldn’t voice publicly, desires they didn’t fully understand yet, or realizations that changed their course. There was Hamlet asking himself “to be or not to be”. There was Macbeth grappling with ambition and conscience. And of course Juliet questioning love, loyalty, and fate. These soliloquies weren’t declarations of certainty. They were conversations with the self in moments of transition. And that’s exactly how soliloquies function in our own lives.

Whenever you’re at a crossroads—emotionally, relationally, spiritually—you’re already having an internal dialogue. A spoken soliloquy simply brings that dialogue into the open, where it can be heard, examined, and integrated. We often assume thinking is enough. After all, we think constantly. But it’s not helpful when silent thoughts loop endlessly without resolution. When you speak out loud, something shifts. From a neuroscience perspective, verbalizing thoughts activates additional areas of the brain—particularly regions responsible for language processing, emotional regulation, and executive function or decision making. In plain language: Speaking slows your thoughts down, it gives shape to vague emotions. It reduces overwhelm and it increases clarity and follow-through. When thoughts stay in your head, they can feel chaotic and distorted. When you hear them out loud, they become real, concrete, and easier to evaluate. And maybe you’ll realize that doesn’t actually sound like what you believe what’s in your head and what comes out may not be what you believe. Or you see you’re being harder on yourself than you would ever be on someone else.

A spoken soliloquy becomes a mirror—one that reflects not who you should be, but who you actually are in that moment. Now soliloquies are very different from affirmations, and affirmations definitely have their place. They can be powerful, grounding, and motivating. But affirmations and soliloquies are not the same thing. Affirmations are typically forward-facing and designed to reinforce belief. An affirmation is usually a short, positive, aspirational statement of a desired future state. Examples: "I am worthy," "I am confident." “I trust myself.” It’s a statement of belief before reality.

Soliloquies are exploratory, honest and rooted in present reality. It’s a process of investigation, problem-solving, and commitment. It gives voice to the struggle before arriving at the empowering conclusion. It’s the journey, not just the destination.

Here’s an example to show the difference in the same situation:

An affirmation would say: I am making good choices in my career.

The soliloquy would say: I am feeling pulled in two directions about this job offer. Part of me is terrified of the change, but the other part wants a new challenge. I need to figure out what I’m afraid of before I can commit. I’ll start by writing down the three worst-case scenarios and then talk myself through how I’d handle each one.

Affirmations tell your nervous system where you’re going in short direct words. Soliloquies help your nervous system feel safe enough to get there with more open discussion. They don’t bypass discomfort. They metabolize it and get it moving. Emotional discomfort does not heal by ignoring it, it heals by allowing it to flow and passing thru it. As I’ve said many times, let it go and let it flow. And often, soliloquies naturally lead to affirmations that actually stick—because they’re grounded in truth instead of resistance.

Now I know you’re maybe thinking that talking to yourself out loud is weird. But let’s normalize this right now. Let’s think about two scenarios. One is where you talk to yourself out loud so that you can come to a decision or figure something out and maybe even have a back and forth conversation with yourself. The other scenario is where you silently replay all of this in your head repeatedly, causing you to lose sleep, become exhausted and irritable, and then repeat this again the next night and the next. People say talking to yourself is crazy but silently punishing yourself at 3 a.m. with your own thoughts, doesn’t that sound more crazy?? Nothing like replaying mistakes from 2016 while staring at the ceiling! 

And talking to yourself is not uncommon. Athletes use self-talk to improve performance. Children talk to themselves as part of healthy development and growing. Therapists encourage verbal processing and great leaders rehearse difficult conversations out loud. The difference between helpful self-talk and unhelpful self-talk isn’t whether you’re talking to yourself—it’s how and with what intention. A mindful soliloquy isn’t spiraling and beating yourself up. It’s structured reflection. And honestly, if you’re already thinking these thoughts, you might as well hear them clearly by speaking them out loud.

It helps with self-awareness and self-awareness isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about understanding yourself without judgment. Soliloquies help you notice patterns you might otherwise miss. You might say “Every time this person cancels plans, I tell myself it’s fine—but I feel hurt. That matters.”

When you speak these realizations out loud, they land differently. They’re harder to dismiss. They invite curiosity instead of shame. Self-awareness grows not from criticism, but from honest witnessing so be the witness of your own interactions. You can hear them, analyze them, and treat them as an object—not just a part of you. This creates crucial distance for you to have that honest review.

And you can use them to set intentions and these intentions are anchors. They hold you steady and orient you toward how you want to show up. Just like an anchor holds a boat steady. A spoken intention might sound like: “Today, I intend to move through my day with patience and self-respect.” Or: “I intend to pause before reacting, especially when I feel defensive.” Maybe at work you can say"Okay, I'm about to walk into this meeting/start this task. What is my highest intention? My default is to shrink and try to please everyone. But the life I deserve is one where I speak my truth with confidence. So, my intention for the next hour is to speak clearly, listen actively, and contribute without apology." Saying it out loud reinforces it. It becomes something your mind and body can reference throughout the day. It provides these reinforcements for what keeps you moving forward and letting go of what’s holding you back. Letting go doesn’t start with action. It starts with acknowledgment. Soliloquies create a safe space to admit when something no longer fits. These moments of honesty loosen attachment. They soften guilt to make space for new alignment.

Soliloquies can also be used for helping you make a hard decision. Indecision often comes from conflicting inner voices and you’re not really sure which voice to listen to. Speaking them out loud gives each voice room to be heard. You might say: “Part of me wants safety. But part of me wants growth.” When spoken, these parts stop competing and start collaborating and you can start asking how can I safely grow so that I can make progress but still feel supported? Clarity often comes not from forcing a decision, but from listening more deeply. You allow yourself to work through a complicated choice by giving voice to the pros, cons, and the conflicting emotions. You literally argue with yourself until clarity emerges. It’s like a committee meeting in your head, but no snacks.

Soliloquies can also allow you to coach yourself gently. Instead of saying “Why can’t I get this together?” You might say “This feels overwhelming. What’s one small step I can take today?” And remember, that is what we’re all about here is small steps. And no matter how small, record it, write it down, reinforce your belief in yourself, acknowledge your growth, and verbally celebrate a difficult step you have taken. This prevents your mind from minimizing your achievements. Belief in yourself is built through acknowledgment. Soliloquies help you recognize effort, resilience, and progress. You might say: “That was hard—and I showed up anyway.” Hearing that out loud matters. It strengthens trust in yourself over time. Growth often goes unnoticed unless we name it. Soliloquies slow us down long enough to recognize your growth and that recognition reinforces change.

So how do you get started. The key is solus—alone. This could be in your car, on a walk, in the shower, or in a quiet room. The point is to feel safe enough to be radically honest. When you start, don't just ramble. Acknowledge your current state. Start with honesty. State the conflict, the feeling, or the action you are resisting.

Here’s an example "I am so overwhelmed by this mountain of tasks. I feel paralyzed and my inner critic is telling me I’m not smart enough to handle this." Next challenge the thoughts and feelings. This is where you problem-solve, offer alternative perspectives, and identify the obstacle. So then you might say "Maybe that feeling is based on my need for perfection. It’s not about finishing everything; it’s about starting one thing so what is the smallest next step I can take?" Then say a clear, verbal command for the next step. Make a concrete promise to yourself. So you might say"I am going to close all the distracting tabs on my laptop, set a timer for 25 minutes, and work only on the first paragraph of this report."

We often sabotage ourselves because we don't feel worthy of the positive changes we seek. A soliloquy is a direct confrontation with those unworthy thoughts. Use this tool when you feel a pull toward old, unhelpful patterns. The moment you feel the urge to stress-eat, lash out, procrastinate, or say "yes" to something you don't want to do, find that quiet space and speak out loud. "Wait. Stop. Is this action (eating this/saying yes to this/lashing out at this person) bringing me closer to the calm, aligned, peaceful life I am building, or is it a temporary distraction that will leave me feeling worse? I will choose the path to peace."

Use the soliloquy as a self-acknowledgment practice, especially at the end of the day or week. Ask yourself "What did I do today that scared me? What decision did I make that honored my personal boundary? I want to acknowledge myself for X. That was hard, and I am proud of how I am growing." Shakespeare's characters often used the soliloquy right before a catastrophic action. We can use it to interrupt one. Before sending that angry text, before making that impulse purchase, before quitting a tough project, talk it out first. The external voice often brings the necessary logic to counter the emotion.

As we close today, remember the simple, powerful act of speaking our truth out loud, just to ourselves, is one of the most profound acts of self-care we can engage in. It’s the difference between merely thinking about making a change and actively, verbally committing to it. A self-aware soliloquy is not a sign of madness; it is a sign of deep self-respect. It is you giving your own internal dialogue the clarity, structure, and respect it deserves So, your challenge this week is to find a moment of solitude and speak a specific, intentional soliloquy. Give yourself the time, the space, and the voice to be the playwright of your own life. Speak kindly. Speak truthfully. Listen. This is how you stay connected to yourself. Remember to hit the subscribe or follow button so you don’t miss any episodes. Thank you for listening, thank yourself for taking time and being willing to hear yourself. Let’s make it ok to start talking to ourselves out loud, to really hear ourselves, why not share this episode with others who may also need to hear themselves out loud. Sending these episodes to others is an easy and quick way to help others move forward and add a little kindness in the world, just like we always want to do, little by little and peace by peace.